That Nice Mr. Cameron And His Perfectly Legitimate Genocide by Brigadier Richard Splash

There’s been more grumblings in the lefty tree hugging press lately about how that lovely Mr. Cameron is single handedly destroying the welfare state, the NHS and just about any system initially set up to look at what some papers are calling ‘the needy classes’, which as far as I can tell means anyone who’s a workshy fop and would rather spend their days laying around, sponging off the state, receiving healthcare MY ruddy taxes pay for and generally being a bit of a drain on the nation state.  What these critics of the modern day thrusting go-ahead cuts have to understand is, the needy classes require pruning down in these days of austerity.  It’s a very simple plan.  Obviously you can’t push the concept of eugenics in this day and age like that nice Mr Hitler did in the 40s and that nice Mr Churchill did before him as it’s apparently ‘morally unsound’.  Although what could be morally unsound about sterilizing the poor and maybe feeding them into a big mincing factory I’ve no idea.  That was going to be one of the Tories more sensible election promises until the bloody Lib Dems stuck their oar in.

Since eugenics cannot be implemented in this day and age the only way to whittle down the population is by the application of plebian-destroying methods such as the destruction of the NHS and any welfare entitlements, thus forcing all the diseased and destitute out onto the streets where champers swilling toffs like myself and my chums can run them down in our Bugattis.

For instance, the NHS was originally set up to make sure the proles had somewhere to go once the rickets kicked in.  They were funded through the taxpayers and set up to treat everyone equally badly.  Now, with hospitals having to make cuts in their services, whole wards of disease ridden whippet owners are being cast out into the streets even before they’ve had a chance to get their insides stitched up.  What happens after that?  Well, being poor and lower class they inevitably turn to drink and drugs as they contemplate their squalid non-champers based existence.  They get hooked on a lethal cocktail of second hand quail’s eggs and sniffing one pound notes (or whatever the poor indulge in these days) and then go and seek help in the bizarre idea that they shouldn’t die and not be a burden on decent honest tax paying people like myself.  But – too late – good old Cameron and his phalanx of chums who definitely aren’t setting up a police state have done the decent thing and cut the budgets for drug and drink rehabilitation centres, thus forcing the have-nots out into the street and onto welfare.  But, oh dear, kind Uncle Dave has cut the amount the lower classes can scavenge off of us reasonably stable billionaires, so they inevitably turn to a life of crime, stealing flat caps and ram raiding coal mines.  And because we’ve cut down on the amount of local friendly bobbies the cockney kings and queens go feral, thus giving Herr Kameron the perfect excuse to crack down on the tykes, send in the shock troops, and starts mowing the buggers down, thus depleting the population and creating the opportunity for a brighter, more Tory future.

Of course we can’t have us reasonably wealthy squillionaires like myself working on the assembly lines like common people, so what we have to do is breed a nation of mindless, feckless street urchins willing to work for a pittance but not smart enough to question why they’re subject to regular beatings and enforced anal rape by their privately educated masters, so we cut all the education funding and turn all the playing fields into factories.  Et voila – a legion of willing man-cows have now been nurtured, growing up in an educationally sterile world where they’re shunted straight from the cradle to the grave without a notion of what they can do to question their happy lives of subjugation.  As Jeeves, our delightfully cockney beating-stool would say ‘Bish, bash’ and very much indeed ‘bosh – bob’s yer uncle, your honour, job done.  And can the kids have a 5 minute holiday from eating that toxic waste you legitimately mine to put in kiddies toys to flog off to third world countries before sexually molesting a small, blind, doe eyed orphaned puppy before eating it alive.  Guv’.’

The problem with the hoody wearing flat cap-rogering lower class types who tend to hang around in large groups refusing to be beaten by the friendly baton wielding coppers is that there’s far too many of them, they’re far too poor and common, and they should ruddy well buck their ideas up and get used to the concept of life in servitude to their Tory overlords.  Just because they pay taxes for services like education, welfare and medical treatment doesn’t mean they actually deserve any of it.  I mean, look at those right thinking corporations who store all their zloty’s offshore – they don’t use the NHS so why should they be forced to contribute to its upkeep.  All my chums go to Harley Street so we don’t have to be a burden on the system, and none of them claim for any benefits as we all get very legitimate kickback deals from perfectly respectable chemical weapons manufacturers to push more genocide-friendly deals through parliament.  So, the only reasonable solution is to cut all access to any concept of the welfare state and return to the glory days of the feudal system, where the only education for the lower classes should be lessons in cap doffing and servile grovelling.  Regular beatings are optional.

Some people might say this is unfair, and that we should all live in peace and harmony on an equal level.  But those people don’t vote Tory, so stuff ‘em.