We’ve all been reading scare stories over the last few years about how the Conservative and Liberal Alliance are going to slash the cost of welfare to the disabled.The doom mongers and nay-sayers amongst the ‘factommunists’ have been filtering out propaganda associated with the alleged loss of liberty and sometimes breathing that can be associated with stream-lining the gold plated cheque books disability allowances that allow the alternatively fortunate amongst us to carry on with their Ferrari collections. But one thing these people fail to propagate is the reality behind the crocodile tears of those with ‘disabilities’. Take these slices of cold hard reality gleaned from stories from liberal media organisations such as The Mail, the Sun, and the Express:
‘Johnny Nolegs received an average monthly welfare gift of over four million every five seconds from the kind hearted workers at the local Conservative party. With that money Johnny built himself a giant spaceship that went around smashing orphanages and punching old ladies in the fanny. When cornered by our brave bobbies armed with nothing more than goose feathers Johnny was reported to have said, “Ha ha – I’m glad I’m disabled and actually I have legs, but choose not to wear them. Now give me some children to eat!” before he unfortunately fell down some stairs.’
‘An alleged chronic back pain sufferer and manic depressive, Bobby Bollocks, was today finally cornered, arrested, and fined for stamping on bags of orphaned kittens and puppies. When asked by the judge why he chose to commit such acts Bobby replied “Because I despise all your hu-man ways and ideals. One day my race will return from the stars and wipe the planet clean from your filthy earth scum unless you destroy us now by cutting off all our benefits.” Later on Bobby unfortunately fell down some stairs.’
‘For years Jemima Lovelipants had been helping out down the local soup kitchens, working to raise several billion for local charities and generally being an upstanding member of the community. Last month Jemima was diagnosed with having a dodgy hip and it was recommended by some ponce in glasses and a woolly jumper who probably belonged to Greenpeace and had sex with flowers that she be given disability allowance and counselling to help her cope with the pain. Overnight Jemima changed from a lovely sweet grey haired old granny to a ten foot killer robot called Destroymo. The Angryboot 2000 then proceeded to devastate the downtown area of Skegness before eventually going on to wipe most of civilisation from the face of the world and then enslave the survivors for a million years of orphaned kitten stomping purgatory. Luckily the local council were forced to suspend her benefits last week and she returned to normal before falling down some stairs.’
And these are all one hundred per cent true. The problem is you can’t trust people who claim to be disabled. As we’ve all seen from the tabloid front covers once every 5 months over the last few years, if somebody claims they need a wheelchair you can guarantee that they’ll be up and playing football before the first voluminous cheque has been cashed in their off shore Swiss bank accounts. I’ve heard tales of people going to fight in far off countries and stepping on land mines on purpose in an effort to claim the millions they can get from the benefits this country hands out. Post-traumatic stress disorder is just another word for being happy.
But even amongst the disabled themselves there is an hierarchy. At least those with missing limbs, crutches and wheelchairs have the good grace to show us their disabilities – there are some that suffer from psychological disorders who can’t even be bothered to hang around shopping centres and flick the V’s at buildings, which is just bad manners.
But the disabled are a sneaky and villainous lot. As they smile with one hand and shake a tin of coins in your face their barely human criminal fraternity are robbing your houses and weeing through your letterbox. All crime ever is caused by some gentleman in a top hat, a big curly moustache and a pair of crutches. And they may pretend to be blind, death and mute, but secretly they can see, hear and speak and spend all their time when they’re not punching nuns laughing about how gullible the benefit system is before going down to the local graveyard to burn Joanna Lumley in effigy and raise their devil Lord Satan and all his pixie chums.
Let’s face it, on the evidence supplied by the tabloids and ATOS I can say with all honesty that everyone who has ever claimed to have a disability, whether it’s visible or not, is obviously lying and doesn’t need the money. When every person is diagnosed with some condition the bleeding hearts describe as a ‘disability’ they are instantly handed a million pounds by Labour and told to go and shoot the Queen. They are the vermin scourge that stalks this land, and our future will only be safe if we stop giving them money and maybe lock them up out of sight. After all, we do not need these people cluttering up the streets and making the country look untidy, which is why the government are aiming to cut all disability payments and make them get jobs in circuses where we can laugh at them.