Archive for March, 2015

“When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.” At least that’s what it says in the bible, but what the Holy Scripture failed to take into consideration was the fucking gobshites who would be prattling away like fucking arseholes everytime someone shoved a microphone up their arse.

Yes, you poor cunts, it’s officially the start of Bastard Baiting Season as the cunts on the left and the cunts on the right get their collective genitalia out and wee all over you whilst telling you it’s good for your health, they know best, and all the other bastards haven’t got a fucking clue how to run the country because they all do big brown caks in their pants and smell of tramp’s testicles.

The major problem with the fucking bastard shit pants bollocks that these idiots relentlessly shite out is the perfunctory nature of the message at hand. Cunty Tories will say Cunty Labour will bet all the lovely money the Cunty Tories haven’t saved on a one legged horse at Chepstow, whilst Cunty Labour will tell you that the Cunty Tories will do an even bigger shit on everyone’s heads in order to line their own pockets and you shouldn’t trust them, except when they talk about them foreign types, as both parties seem to be in agreement that being terrified of The Other and rousing the electorate into Hate Speech against Johnny Foreigner is the best way to present themselves as anything other than cunts.

Because the shit cheese that is Farage and his gambolling romp of torch wielding bigots have nabbed a few seats because a bunch of fucking brown shirts have nudged them into a position where they can give free vent to their blatant xenophobia the soggy-biscuit-at-Eton loving crowd of ex-public schoolboy spanking fans are giving themselves hernias trying to prove to the public that they can be even more racist than the other lot. You expect it from the Tories, as they’ve always been cunts, but when Labour started frothing on about ‘the immigration question’ you could feel the IQ level of political debate dropping off the radar and going for a wank in the corner whilst crying.

What is it with this fucking pisshole of a country that the fucking people who are jostling each other in the clackers to line up to run the place feel the need to wank their collective hate-jizz all over the poor fuckers with the least. Every shit bastard of a fuck bollocks politico is frothing at the mouth to have a go at immigrants and the needy and the poor and the disabled because they’re so desperate to get their meaty chops around the bellend of the electorate that they’ll say whatever they feel the electorate want to hear if it ups their chances of getting their knackers through the front door of parliament. It’s ruddy well sickening, and that’s swearing!

Anyway, that is beside the point, as now we officially have the rundown to the General Fucking Erection (FUCKING SATIRE!!!!) where an endless stream of complete and utter cuntingdon cuntworthy’s will cunt on to the fucking bastard TV and just spew out the same old pre-scripted shitting wank they’ve been beaten into repeating. The arsehole journos who appear to be under the impression they’re not massive cockends (I’m looking at you Andrew Neil, you shitting great toss monkey) and believe the rudimentary wank they blubber forth is of any worth whatsoever will prate on with questions which are about as confrontational and incisive as a big fucking pile of camel’s knackers being pissed on by a massive load of donkey shit (you have my permission to use that quote in the leader’s debate, Julie Etchingham) and we, the poor fuckers who end up bearing the brunt of whatever these slimy toad like cunts enact into power, once more feel the weight of the ages bearing down upon our shoulders as we realise it didn’t matter which grey suited piece of smiling wallpaper we vote into power, it’s still going to be another five years of unending cunt to batter our future into a messy smush so that bastards with too much money and no social conscience can make even more money out of our twitching corpses.

There is no alternative. “Oh, I’m voting Green as they’ll promise not to stick a nuclear reactor up my arse”. Bollocks. As the Lib Dems shits have proven, one whiff of a limousine and morals go out the window and into Mr Big Bollocks Bucket of Bribes. “Ooh, Farage is a plain speaking alternative to the Westminster spin machine.” Fuck off back to Nazi Germany you cock addled cunt faced destroyer of your own soul. Those feckless UKIP banjo strings are about as useful as a testicle powered motorbike. “The SNP and Plaid Cymface provide me with a regional platform for my concerns.” Massive jazzing cocks of deaths to you! Because some cunt slaps a fucking thistle or a cunting red dragon onto their cunting forehead doesn’t mean they’re cuntingly well cunting not as bastard shit corrupt as any other fuckhole who jumps onto the big greasy love pole of power.

On the plus side – hey, it’s going to be an exciting election, right, kids? No one knows what the outcome will be. We have a leader’s debate and some very interesting programs concerning possibly outcomes of the election to look forward too, not to mention the wall to wall coverage for those of a more political persuasion. Personally I’m looking forward to it, but then my best friend is a talking toilet called James Balls and I rub poo into my hair.

CUNT CORNER SPECIAL

No bastard cunt headlines this week. You’d think there’d be tonnes of the cunts, but there are none. So, the stats remain unchanged from last week.

Anyway, latest Cunt Counter since 05/02/2015:

Mail: 9

Express: 10

Star: 2

Sun: 5

Yesterday our esteemed Pob Meister Michael Gove was encouraged to go on record as saying that The Supreme Big Balls of All Tory Cunts, David ‘I’m completely normal and sane like you plebs’ McBastard Bollocks Cameron The Third was going to drop out of a third time if the grinning, dribbling, frothing cannibals that make up the Tory voting block elect him again because ‘it reinforces in everyone’s mind the fact that we have, as our prime minister, a normal, sane, decent guy’.  Now, some people have argued that this gives the impression the leader of the Conservative Child Snatchers is seen  as a nutty fruit cake from Wacky Trousers Lane and needs one of his toadying homunculi to remind the public that, rather than the welfare cutting Destroyer of Worlds we have come to know and loathe – er, love – David ‘I Only Talk To My Balls Because They Ask Me Questions About The Mice In My Pants’ Cameron is actually as sane and normal and decent and non-killy as all the other normal wattle-and-daub housed plebby scum sucking prole bastards out there.  Yes, he may sometimes give the impression that he lives in a world far beyond our ken, where unicorns wearing Nazi armbands whisper in his ear about cutting the population down to size by installing a few gas chambers in a few of the more troublesome Northern cities, but – as Gove had to remind us – he is in fact a completely normal member of the sausage faced prole hating ‘piss on the poor and then do a shit on an orphan’ member of the ruling elite and definitely does not kick beggars to death if there’s anyone watching.

Some of his critics have pointed out that when Dave ‘The Baby Crusher’ McFuckingcunt Cameron said in an interview with the Beeb a few days ago that ‘I want to finish the job’ he was definitely not talking about laying waste to Paup Land by cutting off welfare and forcing everyone who doesn’t own a Mercedes to use food banks and kicking old grannies out into the street because they’ve got a spare bedroom and basically destroying the very fabric of society so the rich become richer and roll around naked in big piles of cash whilst the poor live in squalor and misery like they did back in feudal times so he and his Eton Chipping Norton chums can fly over their stupid heads in balloons made of gold and off shore bank accounts and micturate over the upturned, desperate faces of the worthless bastards who keep believing the Tory party might actually give a cunting fuck for the gutter dwelling prole scum who vote for them just because they use distraction techniques by blaming immigrants for all of life’s problems when it’s actually their own self-entitlement and money grabbing greed and bizarre concept of social justice that has strip-mined the country of all it’s industry so they can make a few extra quid on the stock market before they retire back to their houses complaining that half a billion isn’t enough to live on when the price of paying for a dominatrix to shove a badger up their arse has risen.  It’s definitely not that.  What he really meant was he wanted to finish the job of making an equal society where everyone could skip merrily through fields of prosperity and commerce whilst singing and probably dancing with animated penguins dressed as waiters or something.

So, let’s get the facts straight – Cameron is definitely not one of those spinny eyed frothing lunatics with the glazed eyes of a serial killer, despite how he looks.

CUNT CORNER SPECIAL

A much shortened blog this week to make way for a Cunt Corner Special.  Obviously the papes must have heard my plea for them to start being bigger cunts because no sooner had I published the last blog when the tabloids start sucking on the Tory’s disease ridden helmets with a spate of ‘vote Tory, earth scum’ headlines.  On the 19th March The Mail gave us Sun Shines On Savers with the Express opining that Tax Cuts For Workers and Savers.  The fact that finance experts are calling this plan ‘a massive cunt pie’ (to misquote Will Hutton) is neither here nor there, but then he’s a bloody lefty so what would he know about bribing the coffin dodgers, er, I mean, sensible pension finance.  The Sun massively lied with ‘George’s Epic Strut – UK Booming – Jobs at Record High’, which is part true and part total hairy badger’s bollocks made of cheesy helmets with jizz all over them.  Yes, the unemployment index is going down, but then a large chunk of that is through zero hour contracts which guarantees you no work – it just takes you off the unemployment books.  An old trick propagated by every fucking party who’s ever been in power.

The 23rd March saw the Der Sturmer’s of the tabloids on form again as they grubbed around Cameron’s scabby old ringpiece, as The Mail bollocked on about Salmon Holds Ed to Ransom and The Express cunted with Bargain Britain As Prices Plummet Again, despite the fact that no cunts got any money to buy anything and half the fucking country’s in poverty and food bank use has gone up and etc, etc.  And on the 24th March the ever wanking Express rolled out the ‘fuck the foreigners’ carpet again with Migrant Cut Will Make Us Prosper: Close door on unskilled workers will boost our economy says UKIP.  The Scum, bizarrely, gave us We’ve Gotcha Backs: More troops to Falklands over Putin threat, which just seems fucking mental until you realise it’s from a statement from David Fallon about increasing what troops they haven’t sacked in the Falklands to see off an invasion threat from Argentina, with the Sun helpfully suggesting Putin’s been helping Buenos Aires to rearm (he says, nicking that bit from the ‘Papers’ section of the BBC website whilst doing no actual research himself like the lazy cunt he is).

The Times get an honorary mention, despite not being a tabloid, for their 19th March headline The Comeback King – Osborne Outfoxes Labour With Boost for Public Spending.  Osborne actually outfoxed nothing but his own ability to take his trousers off whilst having a shit, but we needn’t carp over such trivialities.

Anyway, latest Cunt Counter since 05/02/2015:

Mail: 9

Express: 10

Star: 2

Sun: 5

After pleading for more cunt headlines from our cunt tabloids ran and written by cunts and managed by cunts owning cunt corporations to push their cunt lies and cunt Tory propaganda and cunty cunt bollocks cunt shit piss wank, it will interesting to see in the forthcoming cunt elections how even more cunty the cunt papers will become.

With the world in a state of upheaval at the moment the news that Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended by the Beeb for trying to invade Poland comes as a great shock to those of us who love a bit of comedy racism and offensive right wing brown shirt banter with our moving pictures of fast cars that remind us of how tiny our knobs are. For many years this curly haired terror of the airwaves has been getting away with crass stereotypes of all those who we at the Tory party despise, from them foreign types to them other foreign types. His jocular offensive borderline genocidal ramblings on the slow rot taking over the country is one of the things we at Tory Party Reichskanzlei have taken to heart, especially when it comes to the complete and utter destruction of the welfare state through all possible means, even if it results in the untimely deaths of a bunch of paups we wouldn’t wipe our arses on, which it often does.

The naked greed and anti-society message we here at Bastard Shit Fuck Cuntflaps Bollock Nose Central, or Conservative Party Headquarters as it’s more commonly known, has been attacked by the lefty tree fucking Guardianistas of this country who object to our purge of the proles. “Old people are dying,“ they whinge like the big girly plop faces they are as they clutch their dreamcatchers in their grimy, meusli eating hands whilst their big lefty bleeding hearts suffer for the world. Don’t they realise that the extermination of free will and thought in the masses can only be accomplished by the complete degredation of anyone who shows an ounce of compassion for their fellow man, the shitty twats! The comedy chortlesome chuckle japes of Jeremy Clarkson are just the sort of bolstering we need at Tory Central when we’re not jumping on orphaned kittens from a great height or punching bit eyed puppies in the bollocks with fists made of money and spite. It reminds us that, despite the entire media in the whole world being a big lefty conspiracy because not every single newspaper and programme in the history of everything is coming up to us and sucking on our nurturing bollocks in obsequious obediance, there are still slavering hoards of bigoted nazi-saluting spinny eyed frothing socially and morally incompetant voting drones out there who adhere to our central ideology, which is ‘fuck the poor and beware of them foreigns‘.

But, Helmut,“ I hear some of you cry. “I thought the media were a bunch of toadying little shit holes who tugged the limp, shrivelled, diseased penis of Tory policy in their haste to prop up a failing kingdom in the belief that you’ll let all their ropy old chums get their fingers in a few more private enterprise scams. Why, one only has to look at the news stands to see them carping on about how attractively shaped your love blobs are and how the public should be happy to be repeatedly slapped about the face with your mighty bellend of welfare cuts because the poor are cunts and deserve to live in poverty, misery, and disease.“

What these foolish vaginas fail to understand is that some people out there in the social and public media world actually have the gall to criticise us when we’re caught scamming the public by proliferating stories about the ‘undeserving poor‘, covering up child abuse, or nakedly doing everything we can to accomodate the avarice of our great mates who played the spunky biscuit game back at Eton during lights out. There are worker units out there who have the temerity to post anti-government propoganda on things like Facebook and Twitter and FuckBollocks and ShitBiscuit and CockWinnet and other social media, actually stating that they don’t agree with all the wonderful social cleansing the Tory party are doing to help make this country a better place for cockends like the fuckwitted blithering dunderheads currently taking up seats in Westminster and drooling at mirrors under the impression they‘re the gateway to a seperate universe. I was flicking through FaceCunt and came across a message saying “Blimey, those Tory lot are a bit rum, and no‘ mistakin‘, me old chim chimminey“ and immediately sent our best armed response unit around to the fucker‘s house to stomp on their stupid lefty terrorist anti-authoritarian face until they learnt the vital lesson that criticism of the National Socialist Tories will not be tolerated in a fair and free society such as ours. Luckily there are plenty of loyal right wing carbon based earth units out there who are willing to get offended on our behalf and rightly castigated the bomb throwing anarchist in question (Little Timmy Bigeyes, age four) by immediately calling for his hanging and public evisceration.

Dissent has to be stamped out vigorously with the mighty steel toe capped boot of corporate justice! And this is where Clarky McJeremy Spanner O’Fucknugget Dribblecock Clarkson Donkeybollocks Cuntyface The Third (to quote his full name) comes in. Over a squillion billion trillion gillion people signed an online petition saying he had attractive bollocks and the Beeb should re-install him to make more comedy racist remarks. Voices of dissent (well, some four eyed lefties in The Guardian taking a day off from shoving potato’s up their bottoms, anyway) were heard, but were shouted down by a wall of happy worker drones content to be spoonfed their bigotry in a mild shade of beige, and for this we here at Tory Central are grateful. It just goes to show the basic facts of political life – news about twats is far more important a distraction than news about us stomping on the public’s welfare, which is just how it should be. Now watch some more shit TV, you gibbering vacuums of right wing emptiness, and vote for us on the 7th! And if anyone says ANYTHING anti-Tory on platforms like Twatter and Facebum then just get massively offended and call for their death like the blind cows you are!

CUNT CORNER

Another wankingly poor week for Cunt Corner. Only 3 headlines to speak of, one of which isn’t really much.

The Mail give us their plodding pro-Tory propaganda with At Last! The Man Who Dares To Tell the Truth About Race on the 16th, but only after The Express had told us how fucking great the cunts in power were with Pensions Windfall For Six Million, despite all its inherent problems. The Scum gave us a puff piece with an interview with Samantha Cameron with the headlines ‘Gimme 5 More’, referring to years in power, but she’s hardly going to say, “That David Cameron’s a right fucking bellend. If I were you I’d vote for The Cunty Great Lefty Bastard Party instead! FUCK THE TORIES!!” Although it would be nice if she did.

Latest Cunt Counter since 05/02/2015:

Mail: 7

Express: 7

Star: 2

Sun: 2

Although, in all honesty, some of these cunt headlines have been borderline. Notorious cunt papers The Telegraph had ‘6Bn Election Giveaway’, which is Tory pomp, and The Times had ‘Too Many Babies Born To Migrants – Minister’, which is a cunt headline in anyone’s book. I may have to re-think this whole Cunt Corner thing.

Attention, lower class vermin! As a man of wealth and privilege it is my duty to inform you that you should be bloody well grateful that a man of David Cameron’s breeding and commercial interests should be running the country, backed up by a cadre of privately educated millionaires who care just as much for the education and welfare of gutter snipes as they do for their own spawn.

It is an incontestable fact that people who grew up in the lower classes are uniquely incapable of running a micturition-up in one of those ‘brewery’s I hear the butler mention when I’m not beating him with my correction stick. They live in a land of flat caps, whippets, and disused coalmines, scurrying around in the dirt and filth whilst looking for another flagon of dry sherry to quaff before going home to beat the offspring for having the temerity to want to better themselves. If we let the lower class oiks run the country the Houses of Parliament will be turned into one enormous chip shop and the Queen, God bless her, will have to open up a jellied eel stand under the Bow Bells.

The lower classes do not understand the unique position those who come from Eton, Cambridge and Oxford do about the society we live in. The proles find it hard enough to get off their indolent behinds to drag their carcasses down to the unemployment centre to collect more money for heroin to give to their kids as it is – asking them to deal with the rough and tumble world of rich, honking Etonians bellowing satirical bon mots across the chambers during PM’s Question Time would be no less than animal cruelty.

It is an inalienable fact that if you’re rich you’re a better person. If you have money cascading out of your derriere you have an implicit understanding of how to run the country, and giving such a privilege to the workshy fops and jaunty cockney ne’er-do-wells who inhabit our inner cities like Liverpool and Birmingham would be sending the country into ruin. It is true; I have on occasion encountered Those We Must Not Speak Of (council house dwellers) who have tried to articulate the need for a more balanced spread of power when it comes to defining social laws and entitlements. Amidst their guttural, barely articulate growls and gesticulations some have even come across as almost literate, having attended a University or two or worked in a job, but they still fail to grasp the basic understanding that if you’re not rich and privileged you deserve to be set loose on a moor and then hunted down like the dog you are for the gleeful shrieks of our blooded children.

Privilege and wealth are an immediate designation of good sense and common decency. Yes, Malcolm Rifkind was right to point out that sixty seven thousand a year is barely enough to pay for a quick session with Madam Pinapplebum and her scrotal clamps, let alone someone to sex the wife because my penis has been nailed to a table. A Minister’s wage should be up there in hundreds of thousands, and then we could double the amount the corporate lobbyists give us to change laws for their benefit.

Some of the more ‘liberal minded’ Etonians who used to fag for us at boarding school and have since gone into the media have accused the wealthy and privileged of having no understanding of what the majority of lower class microbes have to endure in life. They say that, because we see the world from the backseat of a chauffeur driven car and from Lady Honkington’s wine parties for rich begger kickers that we fail to see the ‘devastation’ our paup cleansing policies have on society, but that could not be further from the truth. For instance, the reason suicide rates have skyrocketed under a coalition government is because people are so bowled over by how quickly we’ve cut the deficit they just can’t comprehend living in such a socially positive country and have to top themselves rather than gaze on the Christ-like face that is our Dear Leader. Anyway, they’re only proles and they probably wouldn’t vote for us, so in the long run it matters not to the Tory fold.

The scum should realise they’re scum and be happy with it. They should revel in the fact that at least we abandoned our initial plan to gas the lot of them as it could damage our standing on the world stage as a ‘democracy’, which is when Cams had the fantastic idea of making the paups kill themselves off. His idea was to make life so unbearable for the proles that they’d be knocking themselves off faster than we could cut their benefits. Disabled paups, women, and people who were extravagant enough to have a spare bedroom would all be for the chop as well.

People from the rougher spectrum of life should be denied their shot at Parliament because, not having the benefit of a private education paid for them by their parents and not enjoying the company of like-minded wealthy paup-hating Übermensch, they do not have the correct experience to understand the complexities of making life horrible for everyone but our chums. They have a wealth and knowledge experienced from life itself, where the daily grind of struggle and routine and fighting for a living has shaped their ideology, and I’m afraid that’s simply no contest against someone who has experienced life from a cossetted, pampered position of wealth and luxury.

CUNT CORNER

Cunt Corner’s been FUCKING LAME this week. I thought, what with the election coming up, the Murdoch, Dacre and Desmond titles would be spunking vitriol all over Milliband’s face – but it’s just been a bit limp, like all the newspaper owner’s festering, disease ridden knobs.

Anyway, here’s the latest rundown:

The Daily Mail have been pushing the Jihadi John angle, with Jihadi John Family’s 20 Years On Benefits on the 04 March and Conned by Jihadi Cold Callers: Yard reveal pensioners being fleeced by IS backers on the 5th, thereby stating that not only are people on benefits likely to spawn terrorists but they’ll also fleece your grandma out of her savings.

Tory sucking-up is supplied by The Express on 10 March with Holiday Boost As Pound Soars, and The Sun with Beer We Go: Osborne Will Cut Cost of Pint Again on the 04th, with the idea being that vote Tory to keep the economy steady and they also understand what the proles really want by cutting down on the price of booze, which is fucking patronising to say the least. “Yep, they may have cunted the museums, but the paups don’t go anyway, so here’s a free pint, you lower class shits!”

The Star on the 10th March take racism to bizarre new heights with ‘Invasion of the Ginger Rats (Scottish rats invade UK)’, which is just fucking mad. Not only do the Scots want to split the UK up, but they’re also sending us their vermin! Completely mad.

Latest Cunt Counter since 05/02/2015:

Mail: 6

Express: 6

Star: 2

Sun: 1

As May 7th nears I expect a lot more Cunt Headlines out of you Cunt Papers!

Today John Bercow, Oompah Loompah of the political world, released a press statement saying that Parliament needed a new lick of paint and some shoring up on the foundations if the insects inside are going to be able to carry on their plans to turn the voter-cows into productive members of society, as long as they don’t ask too many questions, capiche?

At this point a more astute observer of the political commentatorat would start surmising that hey, yeah, y’know, it’s no wonder the building is, like, totally rotting, man, as it’s been rotting from within for years, okay? What with the people inside it. Causing the rot. Because they themselves are the rot within the building, yah? And it would be all very clever and interesting with a knowing satirical edge and would not contain the words ‘poo’, ‘farty’ or ‘wanking spanner’.

But those sorts of columnists can fuck right off, as Sortitaht is not interested in making pithy and intelligent remarks about political corruption forming the real basis of the rot within Parliament, and is more interested in saying the word ‘plop’ as loudly as possible in your face until you grow tired and go and read some Greg Palast, or someone else who knows what they’re talking about. Yes, we all know the horrendous little squits who scurry through the corridors of power are shifty second hand cut-and-shut car dealers trying to palm off their corporate interests under the guise of social responsibility – you don’t need me to tell you that – but so what? It’s not like we didn’t vote the cunts into power in the first place. And the alternative options are just as tiresome, as we’ve found out when those turncoat shitbags at the Libs decided to fuck the corpses of their previous ideology for a whiff of ginger.

The main problem with the political establishment is it’s full of stinky old cheesy bellends who propagate the fallacy that they care a dicky bird about your tedious little problems. I remember back in the day hearing about a local politician who had the reputation as a solid egg because he would go out into the constituency and fuck pigs for votes, which is basically a way of saying he would actually do something for the voters and work within the community and seemed to show an interest in people. Not sure how the pig fucking analogy works there, come to think of it. I should have probably put ‘would fuck pigs if it did some good for votes’, but even that doesn’t really chime with what I’m trying to say. We should probably forget the analogy. Anyway, the point was he was well liked in the community, until it was discovered he was a dab hand at creaming off funds, and yes, he might have shown some interest in aiding the people who had voted him into power, but he was also fucking them over mightily by making up all kinds of spurious expenses claims and rolling around in dirty big piles of cash whilst flicking the V’s at the proles.

From a long term standpoint politics is a hotbed of cak covered bollocks (note to David Dimbleby – you have my permission to use that the next time you host Question Time. If a UKIPs panellist is on remember to stick on your hob nailed boots and give them a good cunting while you’re at it). Each of the political shit buckets who end up howling like vermin at each other during Prime Minister’s Questions About Gardening give the appearance of dealing in short termist policy. Strange brown stains like Camercunt and Millipede may give the impression through various speeches they have made that they have a long term social and economic plan hidden down their trousers but both are canny enough to know the electorate generally think politicians are the toilet stains of life, and using the disinfectant of voting they can be washed down the U-bend of life. (How’s THAT for a fucking analogy!? Fucking SATIRE, that is!!!! Lick my hairy balls, Armando Ianucci!!!!) Therefore long termism does not bring the short term gain of immediate monetary reward the same as sucking up to a bunch of lobbyists for a cushy seat on Enormocorp once they’re booted out of office does. If the political used-rubber johnnies of each party had any serious interest in long term gain from a social or economic point of view for the country there would be more collaboration between the opposed viewpoints to realistically come up with solutions which did not harm the majority of the public, as these cunting welfare cuts have.

Saying that, politicians are basically out of the crib as regards their emotional and intellectual maturity, which is why the worthless dickends spend most of their time flinging insults like the witless farty wanking spanners we know them to be. The Tories are hell bent on privatising the poo that comes out of your bottom, and come to think of it so is Labour. And the fringe parties are just fucking worthless. We don’t live in a one-issue world so why the cunting wankbaskets would you vote for a one-issue party other than to give the impression that you’re participating in a democratic process which thinks you’re a cunt. The current political thinking appears to be this – party A gets in, forgets to flush the toilet, and then fucks off, blaming Party B for leaving a brown steaming chud monkey in the pan when they’re the fuckers that did it in the first bastard place! “It was all Party B’s fault and they should have known we’ve shat all over the economy and left a complete fucking mess, so we’ll spend the next 5 years blaming them for our problems and then we’ll go through the whole fucking rigmarole come the next election.”

So I’m not surprised the Houses are Parliament is rotting from within. It’s full of… erm… (come on, think of something big brown and stinky as an analogy for politicians and thus look really clever and skill and not like the rambling madman you are) … big smelly sticks! That causes rot.

CUNT CORNER

A disappointing week in Cunt Corner as the tabloid shit rakers have been steering clear of politics to fling poo at other subjects. The Express had ‘Asylum Bill Hits £726,00 A Day!’ on 02 March – they can’t help having a go at them foreign types – and The Mail had ‘Decline of the Stay-At-Home Mother’ today (3rd March) which is worrying on quite a few levels, harking back to an ideology that wimmin should stay in the fackin’ kitchen! Apart from that it’s been a dry tabloid-shit throwing week.

Latest Cunt Counter since 05/02/2015:

Mail: 4
Express: 5
Star: 1