Archive for July, 2015

Mega Corbyn Vs Robo Bland

Posted: July 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

Jeremy Corbyn has upset the Labour leadership applecart once again by simply existing. Whilst the media friendly middle ground pseudo-right/left wingers pour forth a series of carefully scripted blandishments to appease to the Gods of the Middle Ground, Corbyn is the only contender who straps on his size ten steel capped Doc Martens and proceeds to kick ten barrel of living shit out of the subjects under discussion.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. He braved the Andrew Marr show and gave a series of reasoned and well considered answers to questions. Unlike the reasoned and well considered answers given by Burnham, Cooper and Kendell they did not kowtow to the Tory fold or appease to the spongy middle area which is apparently infested with upwardly mobile families just waiting to vote Labour, if only they’d have a go at the fucking paupers and agree to erect armed guntowers at every border crossing.

Labour are in a strange conundrum at the moment, where allegedly their most popular candidate is the one who sticks to the original core values of the party, and the others are Tory-Lite, backing an austerity economy and disavowing the principles which the party was founded on. We now have Labour leadership contenders arguing in favour of more cuts and harsher border controls.

The leadership battle has become one of personality. All pretence of fair play and Labour tenets have been given a massive wallop in the bollocks as the Hydra of Burnham, Cooper and Kendell try their damndest to dig Corbyn’s grave for him and prophesise decades of turmoil, famine and hails of brimstone from the skies should anyone with socialist principles get a whiff of the top job.   It’s a derogation of their party values, which are coke, whores and money – I mean, a fairer society for all.

On the plus side, Corbyn has made the fuckers show their true colours. Whilst he’s talking about not giving in to the Tory grandees and pushing for the alien concept that maybe those elected into power should be looking after those most in need, the right/left have been clamouring over the twitching corpse of the welfare state to give socialist ideals, and thereby Corbyn, a right fucking kicking. But in a really dull way. Every time one of the right/left open their mouths and a drivel of blandishments pours forth it can only strengthen the certainty and commitment in Corbyn’s words.

It comes down to a level of believability. Burnham, Cooper and Kendell are espousing a party line which exposes their naked greed for the Premiership, regardless of morals or principles. Corbyn appears to believe what he says, and brings a forthrightness and honesty to the leadership debate which the others can only dream of.

On a side note the blog has been criticised for ‘horrendous language’. To this I can only reply, ‘fuck, shit, cunt, piss, wank, bellends, smegma, hairy arseholes, dicksplash, rancid cockends, minge-bollocks, wank biscuits, cunty old piss flaps and jizz stained helmet heads’. I believe this clears up the matter.

Joke Corner:

Man A: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.

Man B: Richard Desmond is a cunt.

Cunt Corner

Cunt Corner has been a bit disappointing this week with our old bigoted chum The Daily Express only managing to cough up one racist headline this week.

On a plus note, The Daily Star and The Sun are off the blocks with their own brand of xenophobia, with a tip of the hat to The Star for intimating that British seagulls are racists too. A special mention must also go to The Star for pulling out all the stops on their way to Bedlam Hospital for a sidebar on Monday which stated that the seagulls were having a go at the unemployed as well. Unfortunately this was not a splash page so did not count as a Cunt Corner headline.

Next week!! More cuntishness from our chirpy, friendly tabloids!

Evidence 15_07_22 - 15_07_28 Evidence

Next Stop, Oblivion!

Posted: July 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

The votes are finally in and, despite a minor rebellion worthy of roughly fuck all, the Labour party contenders – bar Corbyn – have proven themselves to be the pampered lapdogs of their Tory masters. Cossetted with the idea that the paupers deserve a good kicking, they have rolled over onto their backs, had their bellies rubbed by Osborne and the assembled shrivelled penises of the Conservative party, and then squatted over the impoverished to curl out their political agendas all over their faces.

I was always under the impression that the Labour Party were a party for the working classes – the ‘Labouring’ classes, if you will. It was something about the name. Luckily Kendell, Burnham and Cooper have reassured me that the modern, go-ahead, no-nonsense Labour party are all about big business, small government and giving the poor a proper good cunting. With the amount of rhetoric about the ‘middle ground’ being bandied about by the puppets scrabbling for a place at the table there was always the threat that the leadership contenders were going to be shills for Cameron-style austerity, but apart from a few mealy-mouthed protests against the planned cuts I expected a bit more of a fight from the fuckers. Apart from Corbyn, of course, who seems to be one of the few who actually has some principles.

The relentless march of the Grey Men has come of age. Scared of offending The Squeezed Middle who naturally lean towards the Tories and The UKIPs, who naturally lean towards the Ku Klux Klan, the modern Labour party has become a small niche party where oppositional politics can fuck right off in the relentless lust for power. The argument about the Labour Party leaning to the centre right has always been about the unelectability of a left wing party, but if the Labour party are narrow minded enough to fuck their principles over purely to get a piece of the Parliament pie then what the hell does it exist? Who is it speaking for? Why does it even bother to present itself as an alternative when it’s sucking away on the Tory bellend?

One of the few heartening aspects of this appalling vote which is designed to fuck the poor even more into the poverty ditch is at least some of the party rebelled against the vote and Corbyn more or less told his right wing toadying running mates to suck on his anti-austerity testicles. It’s almost enough to make you believe that some people in the party which is supposed to represent the working classes actually have some principles. The austerity vote is there to punish the weakest in the country, as will a slew of even more socially retrogressive policies by the Cuntservative Party, and it would be nice to think the opposition would actually sticks up for the weakest and not snuffle around the skirts of a ragtag bunch of over-privileged posh nobs who went to Eton and Cambridge. Nice, but unrealistic.

Joke Corner:

Man A: When is a door not a door?

Man B: Richard Desmond is a cunt.

Cunt Corner

This week sees the return of the all new Cunt Corner, with shit graphics and all that malarkey. I think you have to click on it to make it bigger – MUCH LIKE MY PENIS, MADAM!!

Anyway, week one of the new CC (as all the hep cats are calling it) and The Daily Express have leapt forward into the lead with a series of massively racist headlines about immigrants, whereas The Mail are only content to stick the boot into the unions. Come on The Sun and The Star – start being massive cunts or people won’t believe you peddle a load of witless lies and bullshit anymore!

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15_07_15 - 15_07_21 Evidence

If there was ever any doubt that the Conservative Party and it’s front bench of barely humanoid policy creatures were a bunch of unsympathetic robot monsters dead set on eradicating any pushes in modern labour rights and practices and returning the United Kingdom to a land where the poor take lessons in forelock tugging before being used as toilet paper for the privileged classes it’s been blown apart by Herr David Oberleutnant Von  Paupfucker Cameron’s latest pronouncement that he’s open to the idea of the workscum who keep the wheels of the nation turning paying for their own sick days and unemployment benefits.

This what the feudal landlords used to do back in them olden times.  The slow progression of the rights of the worker had pushed back the ruling classes so the poor fuckers at the lower end of the spectrum weren’t on the end of some noble tosspots jackboot.  Suddenly the paups weren’t legally allowed to be used as firewood and could, when they got ill, not be pitchforked into a plague pit and left to rot.

It was Iain Cuntdom Smith who first propagated the idea of people paying for their own sick days.  Smith has shown himself to be the Conservative Party’s biggest asset since they clawed their way into power by churning out as much objectionable policy shite as possible so Cameron doesn’t have to share the burden of being the UK’s smelliest arse crack.  “What’s that, Iain?  You want to make it harder for the disabled to claim benefits?  Why, that would make anyone who said that a massive cunt!  Go for it!  That will take the heat off the jelly faced gibbering public school cockend in charge of the country!”

Alan B’Stard has now taken the form of David Cameron and is storming into parliament with his band of slavering Chihuahuas’ behind him, all pumped up on the idea of sticking it to the paups, dragging the country into a privatised dystopia and flushing the welfare state and council control as far down the khazi as they possibly can.  With the cowed media doing their best not to upset the apple cart, the United Kingdom has been turned into a festering turd of free-enterprise shit buckets.

When I re-started ‘Sortitaht’ I imagined myself putting forward a reasoned level of political debate, leavened by some expletive based japes, but every time I turn on the news and some right wing odorous winnit is doing a massive shit on the poor I just want to repeat the mantra of ‘CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!!!” at the screen.  It’s not healthy to be spamming yourself on the forehead every time some over privileged millionaire right wing sexual deviant pops up on the news and explains how it’s morally right to starve the poor and the disabled.  I’m starting to get a headache.

Joke Corner:

Man A:  Doctor, doctor, my dog’s got no nose!

Doctor:  How does he smell?

Man A:  I don’t know, but Richard Desmond is a cunt!

Poverty Is No More!

Posted: July 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

Thanks to George Osborne and Ian Duncan Smith and Michael Gove and David Cameron and all those wonderful, wonderful people at Conservative Party Headquarters, poverty has now been systematically eradicated from the face of Britain.  The streets are no longer full of top hatted urchins and gutter snipes and the rosy cheeked scamps now have full bellies thanks to the publicity that food banks have been given over the last five years, which is the only reason people are using them  these days.

What we have is a return to the eighties Thatcherite idea surrounding statistics.  If the unemployment figures are starting to nudge into the stratosphere they’ll rig a few of the numbers and – hey, ho – unemployment is actually going down.  Child poverty is no longer to be judged by something as simple as how much the household is bringing in per annum, but on how stupid the kids are and whether they rub shit into their hair, combined with whether they have rickets and some rather spurious ideas concerning ‘family security’ and ‘life chances’, which just sound like more cock rot which avoids the issue that the Tory party are systematically turning the UK into another feudal empire.  Sooner or later we’ll be doffing our caps in fear of getting shot for not showing reasonable deference to our Tory Overlords.

‘Life chances’ is a particularly interesting turn of phrase, because it means sod all.  I hate to be a massive cunt to a party who are obviously geared towards altruism, but the spurious concept of measuring child poverty through ‘life chances’ – linked to debt, addiction, family breakdown – is missing the point.  One of the reasons for child poverty is the stripping away of a social care network which can identify problems and deal with them, which the Labour party – despite being a bunch of dubious war mongering dick mullets – actually took a few healthy steps towards.  Debt, addiction and family breakdown are one of the symptoms of a dysfunctional society, and one of the causes of a dysfunctional society is a government who don’t give a cockney’s bellend how they squeeze the general public’s balls into further misery, as long as they don’t have to pay welfare towards the bastards.

Luckily the government has produced a piece of bullshit – Households Below Average Income: An Analysis Of The Income Distribution – which indicates that child poverty is the lowest it’s ever been in the entire universe and anyone who says different is probably a communist.  They have also produced a handy 54 page document – Measuring Child Poverty – on why anyone who questions their judgement concerning children living in shit is a massive cunt, which is bound to put a stop to any questions the left wing liberal media have about why living standards are going down.

So that’s them told.

Joke Corner:

Man A:  Doctor, doctor, Richard Desmond it outside and he feels like a pair of curtains!

Doctor:  What a cunt.