When small-minded people reach a level of authority, some of them turn into beasts. The country has seen this happen with Ian Duncan Smith, the ‘quiet man’ of politics who has finally got his hands on the welfare system and decided to give it a right old shafting after everyone called him a croaky voiced bellend, or words to that affect. After years of striding the halls of Westminster and having his bald head slapped by every passing MP, he has decided to take his revenge on society from the bottom up. It’s a genius plan by the right wing to slowly empty the streets of all paupers so they won’t have to view the great unwashed as they get driven to their next corporate brown-nosing shindig.
“Surely the people in charge should be working towards a better society and not use their powers as an excuse to destroy all civilisation just because they were called a pasty faced slap-headed barrel of monkey cock when they were at school, in work, and in parliament?” I hear you proclaim. Well, you’d be wrong.
There are two types of right winger in society. There are those who like to do the abusing, and those who like to be abused. This may seem to be a simplistic idea of those who lean towards the more Conservative way of life, but it’s completely true and I read it somewhere in a survey produced by ‘What Spanking’ magazine so it’s all above board. Anyway, those who like to be abused are those who vote for the right wing, as they’re bound to get rigorously shafted right up the backstairs passage with something big and ugly that has nails sticking out of it. Only able to be sexually aroused by the thought of starving paupers and people in wheelchairs being kicked to death by men in business suits, they will happily vote Tory until their last human right has been chucked into the wood chipper. Alternatively those who like to abuse join the ranks of the Tory party where their nihilistic dreams of world dominance can only be assuaged by fucking over as many of the poor as they can possibly get their hands on before they’re kicked out of office. Many of these people spend their lunch hour hammering nails into their bellend before deciding which section of society they’re going to fuck over next.
Both types should be dissuaded from either voting or being in power, as their ideology lynches on paupers being poor and servile, rather than creating an equal society. Technically, privately educated shit monkeys who’ve spent their entire existence being spoon fed privileges should not be able to decide that everyone who hasn’t played The Biscuit Game at Eton can fuck right off. The right wing exists on the maintenance of keeping the lower classes under their boots, and will do whatever is politically necessary to maintain that imbalance in society.
The moral of this is: Tories should get in the fucking sea!
Man A: Doctor, doctor, I’m a massive twatty fucking pile of old badger’s wank!
Doctor: Congratulations – you must be Richard Desmond!
What a rambunctious week it’s been for our chums behind the contents of Cunt Corner. The Express start well by shoving their heads right up the Tories ringpiece in another totally biased pile of wank about how everything’s fucking awesome and we’re not all shafted by cunty great cunts in bastard shit power cunt bollocks arse piss (and that’s swearing!)
Next day the Cunty Excunt is back on the racist bandwagon with more anti-migrant shit, with the Mailycunt chipping in to have a go at the French, just for good measure. Obviously, realising they haven’t been racist enough, the Mailycunt stick in some Muslim Madness paranoia the next day, with the Cunty Cuntspress chipping cuntily in with another load of anti-immigrant cunt because all their cunty journos and editors and cunts, or at least forced to be cunts, because the cunts in charge are cunts. So it goes.
Nothing from the Scum or the Daily Titwank (Star), so the Mail and the Express stride ahead in being shitty great arse buckets at an even 13 Cunt Headlines each. Cunts.
There has been a slight change in the Cunt Corner Counting Process, as previously one cunt headline with two cunt meanings (say, being anti-migrant and anti-French at the same time) had previously only been allotted one cunt mark against the offender. I decreed, mightily, that it should now count as two marks against a paper – one mark per target of cuntishness – and so have scientifically gone back through the previous entries and upgraded all cunt headline status – hence the leap in cunt headline numbers from last week.
If that doesn’t make sense, then just pretend it does.
MORE JAPERY NEXT WEEK, CUNT CORNER FANS!!!!