There’s only one way to deal with terrorists, and that’s to bomb the living shit out of everything in a twelve mile radius until even the corpses have decided to go home. The reason for this is that all world leaders who use the military options have tiny trouser trumpets, and it’s the only way they can get a stiffy.
Only joking. I’m sure they’ve all got tackle like a python with a gridiron helmet on nestled between two hairy space hoppers, but the reality is the option of laying waste to all and sundry does seem to be the plan of choice when it comes to stomping on the enemy. It’s as though the tacticians are stuck in the age of the dambusters, where all it took to sort out Johnny Foreigner was a bit of true grit and a fuck load of artillery. The main problem with this option is that it tends to lead to a lot of civilian casualties, thus making people angry, and thus pushing up the recruitment for ISIS.
But what sort of solution is there? Diplomacy won’t help because ISIS doesn’t have truck with them Western ways. No one wants to put boots on the ground as it’s a guaranteed vote loser. The hawks might start out wanking themselves into a coma over the idea of invasion, but as a series of ground wars over the years have proven that tactic tends to lead to a fucking huge global balls up due to the lack of any twat in charge having any clue what the crunting fruck they’re supposed to do after they’ve swept the bodies under the carpet.
Still, Cameron has to give his winky a shot at getting a semi, and so has decided to make the gesture of flinging a load of readies at the armed forces in order to keep the cunts at The Mail, The Sun and The Express in tub thumping, jingoistic headlines for another few years. Mind you, there are several theories as to what we should do to solve a problem like ISIS, and most of that involves turning Syria into Mad Max land. If you talk to the people fighting them on the ground their main complaint is Assad’s barrel bombs, which are inflicting a wank load of damage to the infrastructure, and therefore a no-fly-zone would be an option so they could fight back against Assad and ISIS, but fuck it if the suits in power are actually going to listen to the bastards who have the most experience in these matters. Much easier to carpet bomb the Middle East and pretend they’re doing some good.
Saying that, continual bombing does seem to be fucking up the oil trade for ISIS, and when they start losing money to pay their troops then chances are they’ll start fucking off once the cash runs out. So I guess the real solution is ‘fucked if I know’.
On the other hand, Star Wars: The Force Awakens opens in December, so let’s hope that doesn’t compound the universal misery by being shit.
Man: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!
Doctor: Pull yourself together!
Man: I can’t! I mean, I actually feel like a pair of curtains. Blue ones.
Doctor: Blimey, this man’s insane! You must be Paul Dacre!
Man: I can’t be – I’m not a MASSIVE CUNT!
Most of the contents of Cunt Corner have been focused on Jihadis hiding under the bed or lurking around every corner. The Express seem particularly obsessed (as fucking usual), and manage to up the ‘reds under the bed’ style paranoia, reminding us that they’re plotting both a chemical and missile attack on Blighty, and therefore we should chuck a spunk load of cash at the troops and build more bombs and have an aircraft carrier in every Tescos. The missile and gas attack are old news, and are slung out every time the defence secretary wants to up his budget a bit more. I’ve added their collective paranoia to the ‘General anti-social bollocks’ category, as it seems hell bent on making us afraid to step out of the front door. Of course, it wouldn’t be The Express without a pop at the migrants, so the edition on the 19th manages to crow about some grizzled old judge saying them foreigns have to learn propa fakkin English loike wot us cants in Englaaaaaaaaaand do. Silly old fool.
Nothing from The Star this week as Celebrity Cock Smoker is back on’t telly, and only one from The Sun, having a go at muslims again, in a very dodgy poll where they rang up ‘people with muslim surnames’ to get the result they wanted. I did a poll the other day – ‘Is The Sun Full Of Wankers’ – the results were 100% in favour as I only asked myself. See how easy it is to slant these polls?
The Mail seemed to have stepped back in time to their ‘ban this sick filth’ days by having a go at cinemas for refusing to show a pro-praying advert. For those who remember, The Mail have a proud history of clueless fuckwittedness concerning Them Modern Things, and originally started the ‘video nasties’ panic back in olden days. Since then they have kept up the proud tradition of making up shit and having a go at films/games/videos for what I can only assume is a Luddite agenda to bring the shadow puppet theatre back into prominence.
Anyway, no surprises to see the migrant and general anti-social bollocks are almost neck and neck in the polls at the moment, and as regards the newspapers own personal cunt rating The Mail is still ahead, being the cuntiest of all papers, but The Express have been on a real drive to top that cunt poll by the end of the year. Only 4 more weeks to go before out special ‘Massive Cunt Corner Christmas Special’ on 22nd December, so keep those cunt headlines coming!