The year was full of things happening. That is all.
There were a moderate amount of bad things happening, coupled with a moderate amount of good things happening. However, the bad things were reported on more, because monkeys from the planet Scrote operate our media and wish to take it over and replace it with their own banana-related empire, and the quickest way to do that is to depress the living balls out of us.
Some total and utter bastards were elected into positions of power. That happens quite a lot. And the bastard already in power kept being total shits, to no surprise to anyone.
More war-type stuff went on. Lots of that. Some of it was reported, and a lot of it wasn’t. Do you know, for instance, that in the region of Mora-Purgo, a small tribe of Albanian bollock scratchers were swept up in a border conflict with the Knockers of Nabisco? Surprising this stuff isn’t more widely known.
Let’s see – we had a bunch of political conflict as well, as people on the right clashed with people on the left and everyone called each other “Big fartys” or something less politically astute than that. And people in their own political vortexes disagreed with each other as well, leaving the whole system of government universally represented by a great big bumbling angry toddler, endlessly squashing people in it’s haste to get to the jam.
Lots of corruption as well, mainly from conglomerates and people with enough zloty’s in their cash pile to not require the extra back-handers which grease the wheels of commerce. A lot of celebrities shilling for coin as well, but there’s no surprise in that.
Some films were released, with most of the popular ones being re-treads of stuff that have already been made, but with shinier keys dangled in front of people this time. Michael Bay still exists, so evolutionarily we’re still going backwards.
The tabloids were still full of shit (more on that later) but then they always are.
Those on the bottom rung of the ladder globally seem to get the biggest kicking, as per usual. If you were a moderate person just trying to get along some fucker in an ideological gilded cage was going to bomb you, shoot you, cut off your resources and welfare, or print a headline about you being a thieving, workshy cunt.
Just cut and paste that lot above onto any ‘review of the year’ bollocks, because they’re basically the same. Cunts.
So business as usual for 2015. However, great things are predicted for 2016, when the monkey invasion will happen and we will all know the benefit of toiling in the banana mines for our Ape Masters. The Flinging Turd Show (previously Michael McIntyre’s Ballbags of Wank) shall become the UK’s No. 1 television hit, and peace shall reign forever.
Man A: Shit fuck cunt piss wank
Man B: You must be a speechwriter for David Cameron?
Only two entries this week on Cunt Corner. Express/Mail/immigrants/third reich/etc etc. You know the drill.
But this means we finally have our Cunt Corner champions, and it comes as no surprise to our regular readers (all 10 of you) that The Daily Mail is crowned this year’s Cunt Corner Massive Cunts Of The Year, mainly by hating immigrants to a degree which borders on psychotic obsession. Recently they’ve upped the ante by hating all social services as well, by having a go at the police, the NHS, welfare, etc. Whoever the journalists are at The Mail they need to get a dicking very soon, because they obviously need to chill out and relax. Smoke a bong, you twats!
But seriously, ladies and germs, when I started out on the new-fangled graphs and charts version of Cunt Corner in July I knew the immigrant bashing would take up a certain amount of headlines, but not to the extent where Dacre and Desmond appeared to have raging lob-ons for the subject. I’m wondering if being top dog on a piece of daily shit affects the minds of those in charge and slowly turns them into Napoleonic delusionists. Are they printing this cak because they really believe that immigrants are the scourge of the 21st century, or do they believe that’s what the public really wants to read and are just pandering to the slope-headed turd flinging cretins who find automatic doors the work of Satan? Half of the headlines last year were incitements to race hatred. And as I’ve pointed out before, after taking a trip to the Holocaust section of the Imperial War Museum the similarity between the Nazi tabloids and the front pages of Mail and the Express (main offenders – although the Sun and Star are cunts, too) is worrying.
Still, let us not be downhearted, brothers and sisters, for the next year will no doubt bring a crises of conscience to the knacker-slappers in charge, and they’ll see the light, realise they’ve been a bunch of malodorous homunculi feasting on the fresh, dripping corpses of the dead, and suddenly start printing stories about how maybe things can be made better, rather than battering us over the head with a bunch of ‘fuck the disadvantaged for being so fucking inconvenient’ cockswallop.
And with that, have a lovely Christmas, a happy new year, and don’t touch a tabloid as they give you syphilis.