Welcome once again dear readers to this week’s CC collection of conflabulous calamities of something that starts with a ‘C’. ‘Cretinous Comments’, perchance? Anyway, due to general tardiness on my part I still haven’t got around to sorting out the old graph thing yet, so to see physical evidence of how much of a bunch of knackers clackers our right wing press is, click on the PDF’s at the bottom (ooer, obviously) of this article. Well, when I say ‘article’ I mean ‘stream of abusive invective aimed at the sort of twat who thinks Nigel Farage is a sound politician and not a raging, spinny eyed frothing pile of old tramp’s sick’, but you get the general idea.
Anyway, Cunt Corner chums, the week kicked off, as expected, with the dribbling penile wart that is Boris Cuntston and his bid to become the next leader of UK Britain PLC (see what I did there?! Satire!! Take THAT, Thatcher, you undead right wing Nazi hellspawn!!!) by announcing he’s going to fellate both Galloway and Farage by joining the mental brigade that is the Brexit team. The right wing papers shat their collective caks at this news and promptly hoisted the Swastika on their front pages with a series of anti-EU headlines that basically called for the next world war to get started right bluddy now!! Some of this trickled over into the wrinkled scrotum that was Tuesday’s headlines, but The Sun outshone themselves in their right wing racism with ‘Halalbert Square: BBC building mosque on new £15m soap set’ like this was the start of the rise of Satan or something. Note to Sun Editors – you are massive cunts.
The Sun’s wanky cunt bollocks arsehole shite of a headline seemed to kick the other right wing papers into action – well, the tabloids, anyway – and we were subjected to a cavalcade of tub-thumping cockends as The Mail, Sun and Express tried to Out-Cunt each other with a series of increasingly shrill headlines about Them Foreigns all comin’ over ‘ere and trying to exist without being bombed, the selfish bastards!
By Saturday the Sun had grown tired of hating everything that moved but The Mail and Express were still going strong, really ramping up that racism agenda by having a pop at immigrants yet a-fucking-gain. You know, every time a right wing tabloid mentions an immigrant an angel gets kicked in the bollocks? Fact!
By Sunday only The Express had enough bile left in them to spew out some dangly scrotal love plums about the EU again, but fuck them, the short sighted mindless goose stepping shitbags.
Anyway, all this love and peace led to the inevitable result that, as far the subject matter is concerned on our wonderful chart ‘CC Stats – 2016’ (coloured purple to represent massive penises) the anti-migrant clagnuts is starting to gain ground on the anti-EU winnits, but only by a small margin, though.
It will come as no surprise to our regular reader that Top Cunt Paper is still The Mail, with an impressive 18 hits on the Cuntometer, although those plucky jizz stains at The Express are coming up quickly behind with an worrying 15 hits on the Wall of Wank. The broadsheets, unsurprisingly, are trailing behind. They still hold the same cunt views as the tabloids – they just hide their bigoted vitriol better.
Anyway, join me next week, beloved work units, to see if The Mail discover that being a cunt is not conducive to a civil society and starts promoting a pro-migrant and EU agenda. I can’t wait to find out!