This week we have a wide variety of frothing hatred, and by ‘wide variety’ I mean ‘a bit more showbiz pap than usual’. So let’s get on with breaking down last week’s pile of old scrote into an easily digestible size.
MONDAY saw a tabloid frenzy of scrotey old bollocks as The Scum launched straight into their usual anti-EU cock bollocks about the NHS and migrants – in this case an entire 18k used to help someone in some situation which causes The Sun to go crazy ape bonkers. The Express, hell bent on churning out the same old bollocks, gives us an anti-EU rant. Come on, you massive wankers, try harder! Which is exactly what The Star do by giving us our first showbiz pap headline advertising the new Top Gear as Chris Evans sneers at Jeremy Clarkson for some unspecified reason. Basically it’s a barrel of cunts throwing turds at each other, and they’re welcome to it.
TUESDAY sees The Mail and The Sun having a go at the coppers for wasting time and money and not banging up the nonces, whilst The Star give us our second Showbiz Shite of the week with the news that Holly Willoughby has sex. Fucking hell! Whatever next!? It’s wimmin doing rudeys!!! It’s not allowed in the Victorian world of The Star!!
WEDNESDAY and The Star (them cunts again) give us the traditional ‘Political Correctness Gorn MAD’ bullshit about Easter Eggs being banned. You know it’s a pile of old toss but they just can’t help themselves, poor lambs.
THURSDAY and more anti-EU shite, but this time from The Telewank. Some old shit about quitting the EU helping our security, which is the complete opposite of what the top anti-terrorism bods say, but why let facts get in the way. The Mail are back on the anti-migrant kick with a virtual essay of a headline about migrants, borders, coppers and a sooty puppet shoved up a vicar’s arse (okay, made that last bit up). The Express do their bit for race relations by letting us know the Jihadists are virtually on our doorsteps!! Somewhere!! DON’T GO OUT OR THEY’LL EAT YOUR HEAD!!!
FRIDAY and The Mail are on their ‘I Hate The NHS’ kick again, earning them an anti-migrant AND anti-public services Cunt Point as them foreigns are being hired to look after our sick. Bastards! Whereas The Express feel confident enough to print some old cock about Trump and his stance on the EU. This man can’t even remember to take down his own trousers when he has a shit, so his words are obviously Sensible Gold for The Cuntspress.
SATURDAY and only The Express can be bothered to churn the old bollocks out with some tedious old cunt about the EU. 250 business leaders (Wanky Al’s Fag and Porn Shop, Donald Bollocks Dodgy Betting Shop, etc) have said breaking free from the EU will be great as it means they can shove kids up chimneys again.
SUNDAY and blah blah blah Mail blah blah blah foreign aid blah blah blah terrorists. Fuck off you tedious cunts!!
So, where does that leave our Cunt Counter. No surprises to find that the anti-EU shit is winning, nudging over the half century, sort-of-closely followed by the anti-migrant bollocks. Anti-services are coming up (ooer, obviously) behind, followed by the media fluff shite.
Biggest cunt paper is STILL a neck-and-neck race between The Mail and The Express. The Metro didn’t even get a look in this week. Or The Times. Must be some proper news out there or something. The Star’s starting to make a bit of headway as well. Cunts.
Anyway, join me next week for more Cunt Corner japes!!! WITH MORE FUCKING EXCLAMATION MARKS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE DONALD TRUMP’S GIMPY SHRIVELLED HALF INCH COCK AT (should you wish).