Archive for June, 2016

The Mail thinks the EU have suddenly had a change of heart and reckons we can do whatever we want as a country because we’re so skill and cool and can do wheelies on our Grifters to impress all the gurls. This is, apparently, the same EU which told us we can fuck off back to the Stone Age and take our shitty ball with us, because they’ve got a fucking massive load of balls (ooer) and they’re quite happy without a load of brown shirt wearing racist fuck nuggets trying to piss them about with jingoistic schoolyard politics.  And we can take that cunt Farage with us as well!  I reckon The Mule might be stretching the truth a tad here, mainly because the Mule regularly prints falsehoods, lies and bags of bullshit everytime one of their journos can extricate himself from Dacre’s bottom long enough to crayon an article.

 _90162176_mail

It’s the turn of The Expressisapileofshit to get down on its knees and chow like a good’un on Boris Johnson’s wrinkled microscopic pecker today, as they give him the full page splash (ooer, again) on the front cover. Apparently the diseased hand puppet wants to be PM?  Well, that’s fucking news to the Western World, isn’t it?  This just cements the fact that the Express is not so much a newspaper – which reports things – but rather a toadying lickspittle smarming Wormtongue.  Unlike The Mule the Express journos don’t even use crayons, but rather head-butt a slate of wood until words emerge.

 _90162057_express

On the points front we get a mark for Brexit Bullshit from the Mule and one for Sucking Bojo’s Wang for The Cunt. The Cunt is still leader, with The Mule trailing behind.

Khunt Papers:

Express:             26

The Mail:           23

The Sun:            19

The Telegraph:  14

The Times:         3

The Star:             4

Metro:                1

Khunt Khategories:

Anti-EU:          36

Anti-migrant:  30

Racism:           6

Sucking BoJo’s Wang:   5

Jingoistic Bullshit:      5

Hypocrisy!      4

Uman Roights Gorn Mad!!   3

Brexit Bullshit:   3

Anti-Labour:   1

The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1

Jeremy ‘Massive’ Khunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks

 

Advertisements

The Scum really does love the taste of Boris Johnson’s scabby old infested cheesy helmet, smitten as they are with bigging the twat up. 100 MPs with a serious personality disorder have backed the knuckle dragging drooling throwback as the future Prime Minister, such is their masochistic impulse.  Since Boris is one of Murdoch’s chums we’re going to be seeing an awful lot more of this in the future.

 _90149094_sunfront

The Expressisabigpileofshit try and blame the whole Brexit debacle on the EU, rather than on Cameron being a spineless cunt, Farage being a frog faced basket of badger shit, Boris Johnson being the political equivalent of a clueless bag of wank, and Brexit voters in general being a festering skaggy old mound of ruinous clagnuts clinging to the hairy arse of common sense just before being shat out into the sewer of redundancy by a collection of countries who think that England is a massive cunt.

 _90149400_express

Khunt Papers:

Express:             25

The Mail:           22

The Sun:            19

The Telegraph:  14

The Times:         3

The Star:             4

Metro:                1

Khunt Khategories:

Anti-EU:          36

Anti-migrant:  30

Racism:           6

Jingoistic Bullshit:      5

Sucking BoJo’s Wang:   4

Hypocrisy!      4

Uman Roights Gorn Mad!!   3

Brexit Bullshit:   2

Anti-Labour:   1

The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1

Jeremy ‘Massive’ Khunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks

 

John_Martin_-_The_Great_Day_of_His_Wrath_-_Google_Art_Project

Life After Brexit, yesterday

 

Blimey! So great that now we’ve voted Brexit the economy’s increased, companies are flocking to the country, racial harmony is even better and more countries wish to join the UK!

Only joking!  We’re into the fifth day After The Balls Hit The Wall and already society as a whole is collapsing into a gibbering mess of jingoistic reality denial as the papes and their lackeys in the Brexit camp continue to flush their heads down the toilet and deny there’s anything wrong. Racism on the rise, pound at rock bottom, an ever-increasing roll call of international companies thinking ‘fuck these brownshirts for a game of cock hockey’ and making plans to flee to more civilised climes (anywhere outside of England) and the break-up of the UK.

Still, at least we can tell Them Foreigns where to go, eh?

There have been some quite spectacularly cretinous blabbering verbal buckets of piss being thrown at the concept of reason by the Brexit crowd. Some geriatric coffin dodgers were crowing about “We remember the good old days” as their reason for voting out, which is a pity as they’re living in the 21st century, and some hatchet faced refugee from sanity was blabbing about “We don’t want them over there telling us how to run the country!”, thus proving that certain section of the Brexit Bellends had no concept of how the UK fits in with the EU.

It’s got to a sad state of affairs where even Kelvin McKenzie is bemoaning the fact that he wished he’d voted Remain. It’s like the gibbering turds leading the party of mindless flag waving careerist thunder twats start acting like they’ve realised what a monumental clusterfuck the whole ‘leaving the EU’ thing really is.  These gonzo-faced fanny flaps have no exit strategy, and appeared to be under the impression that everything would be alright and we’d all just waltz off into a 1940s where the UK had an empire and Them Foreigns knew their place.  Instead reality has whipped out the lob-on of reality and wanked the bitter jizz of facts into the blinking, upturned faces of every cunt in power who campaigned for Brexit.  The country is fucked.  Osborne can cling to the north face of the Eiger against the battering winds of the next economic crash and tell us the Bank of England will start shitting gold into the UK coffers, but this is all a load of old cheesy, warmed-over scrotums.

We are entering dark times, where even the fuckers who wished for the Brexit are suddenly stumbling around in the dark and trying to find the exit. We are to be made an example of because Cameron, being the shrivelled dick of a man that he is, listened to the whispers in his ears about UKIP.  As Johnson and Farage deny they said we were heading for days of wine and roses and the infrastructure cracks around us, it’s the rest of us poor fuckers who have to deal with the consequences of political vanity, and the reality is we’re all in for a good kicking.

We are, essentially, cunted.

The Star finally take leave of their fragile senses today by turning their face against reality and staring resolutely into the sun until their eyeballs frazzle. It’s Project Feelgood, and we know this because Boris Johnson has hailed ‘a new dawn’, and we can always trust Boris to tell the truth.  This is the journalistic equivalent of standing by a mangled car wreck and telling us there’s nothing to see, and for that they get a mark on the Jingoistic Bullshit bandwagon.

 star

The Daily Express, on the other hand, have got a good old hold of Johnson’s chopper. 80% of the mentally unstable think Johnson should be the next PM.  In the same vote 95% of wanking tramps thought meths would make a good PM.

 express

With plaudits like this Sucking BoJos wang has now become a major player in the Cunt Categories, and is romping up the charts, much like Dacre and Desmond romp up and down BoJos skanky old helmet flakings.

Khunt Papers:

Express:             24

The Mail:           22

The Sun:            18

The Telegraph:  14

The Times:         3

The Star:             4

Metro:                1

Khunt Khategories:

Anti-EU:          35

Anti-migrant:  30

Racism:           6

Jingoistic Bullshit:      5

Sucking BoJo’s Wang:   3

Hypocrisy!      3

Uman Roights Gorn Mad!!   3

Brexit Bullshit:   2

Anti-Labour:   1

The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1

Jeremy ‘Massive’ Khunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks

 

Well, that all went south pretty quickly. The ink’s not even dry on the papers before the Brexit bellends were backtracking over previous spurious statements about how the NHS would be made out of Gold and everyone would own their own Aston Martin.

However, that is for my normal blog, with more swearing, and today we concentrate on the tabloids.

The Scum have been sucking on the cheesy helmet of Boris Johnson for quite awhile now, and carry on with their efforts to get a genuine Jim Henson muppet running the country by backing BoJo for the top job, thus creating a new Khategory ‘Sucking Bojo’s Wang.’

Sun

The Mule push the pro-Brexit bandwagon, because they’re a bunch of idiots. If the Brexit did get scuppered all those hard earned years of racism and bigotry would have been wasted, and since they’re vying with The Express to be the government’s own toadying lackey of a Der Sturmer they feel they have to tug the forelock and call the Remain camp ‘bitter losers’.  Suck my massive helmet, Dacre!

Mail

The Expressisapileofoldcunt also go for the Brexit Bullshit jamboree as they panic over the idea that the Brexit they so longed for might be rolled up and shoved up their arses.

Express

The Telegraph technically have a headline about the plan to block the Brexit, but since they’ve done an almighty big chomp on Boris Johnson’s tiny joystick by giving him half the front page of ghost-written bollocks, they get a point on the Sucking BoJo’s Wang-o-meter.

telegraph

Khunt Papers:

Express:             23

The Mail:           22

The Sun:            18

The Telegraph:  14

The Times:         3

The Star:             3

Metro:                1

Khunt Khategories:

Anti-EU:          35

Anti-migrant:  30

Racism:           6

Jingoistic Bullshit:      4

Hypocrisy!      3

Uman Roights Gorn Mad!!   3

Brexit Bullshit:   2

Sucking BoJo’s Wang:   2

Anti-Labour:   1

The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1

Jeremy ‘Massive’ Khunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks

 

triumph-of-the-will_top10films

A Brexit rally, yesterday.

Welcome to the 1970s, ladies and gentlemen! Bigotry and racism are rampant, the disabled are treated like shit, the right wing tabloids wave the flag and belch out jingoistic lies and we’re jam slap in the middle of an economic depression.

The Telegraph are first up on the chopping block by declaring the ‘birth of a new Britain’ whilst failing to mention exactly WHAT new sort of Britain it would be.  One full of cunts, apparently.  Anyway, as a Professor I can foresee a new line of flag waving bullshit coming from the right wing press, thus birthing the new Khunt Khatogory ‘Jingoistic Bullshit’.

_90092300_telegraph

Which takes us directly to The Mail as they encourage the swivel eyed drooling turd flinging Brexiters to take a bow for fucking up the UK as any kind of economic or political player in the game of life.  It’s also a bit of comedy thigh slapper of a front page, because apparently their writers are ‘incomparable’, which is true in some respects as no one can use crayons quite as well as the shower of incomparable cunts who jot their blathering madness for this pile of tramp’s wank.

_90092297_mail

The Star go one better by sticking a bulldog in a Union Jack on the front page and urging their perpetually masturbating readers to stop hanging around school gates and ‘make Britain great again’.  Well, they’ve fucked up that opportunity already, so instead – with the pound at a rock bottom low and Scotland ready to jump ship – they should go back to wandering around in circles and weeing their pants.

_90092302_star

And lastly we have the Express, a haven for cunts if ever there was one.  It’s a ‘glorious victory’, except for anyone with common sense.

_90092298_express

On a curious side note it’s interesting that all the papes have decided to slap a Union Jack on their front covers, as there’s not going to be a union in the near future.

Express:             22

The Mail:           21

The Sun:            17

The Telegraph:  13

The Times:         3

The Star:             3

Metro:                1

Khunt Khategories:

Anti-EU:          35

Anti-migrant:  30

Racism:           6

Jingoistic Bullshit:      4

Hypocrisy!      3

Uman Roights Gorn Mad!!   3

Anti-Labour:   1

The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1

Jeremy ‘Massive’ Khunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks

 

Next Stop, Oblivion!

Posted: June 24, 2016 in Uncategorized

The March of the Squareheads continues as over a million more people think brown shirts are more attractive than common sense. Farage has wanked himself into a coma, Boris is brushing up his acceptance speech (which basically consists of him going “where’s the totty?”), and Cameron is wondering what the fuck he was drinking when he agreed to a referendum.

Mind you, the opposition was pretty piss poor. Corbyn, an opponent of the EU for decades, could barely muster a shrug when it came to campaigning.  The only proper televised ‘fuck you!’ came from Sadiq Khan, whereas the rest of them merely bumbled about myopically under the impression the UK actually loved Them Foreigns and wasn’t the bubbling cauldron of xenophobic hatred that it is.

And let’s face it, this was mainly about immigration. The tabloids and the gimp-eyed spanking fetishists  who ran the Brexit campaign pushed that anti-immigrant button so often they had callouses.

Brexitism is about division. It’s about hiding in a box and peeking over at the outside world with fear and suspicion.  It’s about not minding that civil rights and worker’s rights get kicked in the bollocks until they decide that Farage is a credible political icon.  It’s about hurrying after cunts like Boris Johnson and Ian Duncan Smith with a rusty plate, trying to catch the turds they shit out of their privileged arses in the mistaken belief this will benefit the country.  This is about not minding that people with silver spoons and off shore bank accounts have even more carte blanche to wank off razor blades into the eyes of the poor, the disabled and the underprivileged so they can hire themselves another paup for the bonfire.  It’s another flag in the mountain of an increasingly right wing world, and if you voted for it then you have no one to blame but yourself.

On the other hand, politics has always been full of cunts, and this could be seen as just another bag of monkey spunk in the jizz bucket of life. It could work out that the brown shirts of Galloway, Farage and Johnson all wave their union jacks and fart out measly words of patriotism to appease the drooling spinny-eyed brown shirts who voted for them, while nothing at all really happens.

All the same, it’s a victory for the far right. Attacks on minorities and immigrants will go up.  Racism is on the  rise, boys and girls, and this is another nail in the coffin of progress.  Worker’s rights will be put to the torch, and we’ll see an ever-increasing volley of spittle flecked mania against Them Foreigns.  If you voted Brexit you voted alongside a gibbering army of flag waving bigots, all convinced That Boris Would Make A Good Leader, blind and deaf to any notion of common sense, nestled in the bosom of Mother England, sucking on the teat of nostalgia for an age that never existed.

Here are some facts:

Boris Johnson – cunt

Nigel Farage – cunt

George Galloway – cunt

Ian Duncan Smith – cunt

The Sun, the Mail, The Express – cunts run by cunts and read by cunts.

No matter which way you look at it, it’s cunts all the way.