The Mail thinks the EU have suddenly had a change of heart and reckons we can do whatever we want as a country because we’re so skill and cool and can do wheelies on our Grifters to impress all the gurls. This is, apparently, the same EU which told us we can fuck off back to the Stone Age and take our shitty ball with us, because they’ve got a fucking massive load of balls (ooer) and they’re quite happy without a load of brown shirt wearing racist fuck nuggets trying to piss them about with jingoistic schoolyard politics. And we can take that cunt Farage with us as well! I reckon The Mule might be stretching the truth a tad here, mainly because the Mule regularly prints falsehoods, lies and bags of bullshit everytime one of their journos can extricate himself from Dacre’s bottom long enough to crayon an article.
It’s the turn of The Expressisapileofshit to get down on its knees and chow like a good’un on Boris Johnson’s wrinkled microscopic pecker today, as they give him the full page splash (ooer, again) on the front cover. Apparently the diseased hand puppet wants to be PM? Well, that’s fucking news to the Western World, isn’t it? This just cements the fact that the Express is not so much a newspaper – which reports things – but rather a toadying lickspittle smarming Wormtongue. Unlike The Mule the Express journos don’t even use crayons, but rather head-butt a slate of wood until words emerge.
On the points front we get a mark for Brexit Bullshit from the Mule and one for Sucking Bojo’s Wang for The Cunt. The Cunt is still leader, with The Mule trailing behind.
The Mail: 23
The Sun: 19
The Telegraph: 14
The Times: 3
The Star: 4
Sucking BoJo’s Wang: 5
Jingoistic Bullshit: 5
Uman Roights Gorn Mad!! 3
Brexit Bullshit: 3
The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1
Jeremy ‘Massive’ Khunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks