In a blatant bit of ‘don’t pay attention to the man behind the curtain’ ism The Daily Mail decide to flick the V’s at the Institute for Fiscal Studies – you know, them spods that deal with numbers and economics and all that malarkey – and shove their fingers in their ears whilst going ‘nyah nyah nyah, I can’t hear you’ at their claim that living standards are a bunch of shit caused by the last and current governments and the effect of the Brexit. Paul Dacre and his band of turd snuffling sewer gimps would rather propagate a brimming bucket of diseased lying piss than face the fact that Brexit has caused a wobble in the economic infrastructure and the Tories are dead set on fucking the poor right up the marmite motorway.
The Torygraph, also being toadying fucks of immaculate proportions, are hinting that anyone on benefits is obviously a slavering terrorist. According to them the Paris attackers collected three thousand nicker from the UK tax payer. I can’t find the story on their website but my Spidey-senses are telling me they’ve probably convoluted an elaborate web of bullshit to come to the conclusion that the benefits system funded the Paris terrorists, but then the Torygraph are shedding journos like Trump sheds morals so it’s probably been researched from Wino Bill down the local boozer. “Yeah, it’s all facking true, y’know! ISIS is funded by people on disability welfare! I’ve just shit myself!”
The Expressisabigpileofshit, because they are utter fucking arseholes, have dick splashed all over their front page that ‘Britain’s 32Bn Brexit Bonus’, which they say was forecast by the Office for Budget Responsibility, which is fucking funny as a luxury catalogue full of gilt edge dog turds, because only a few days ago the OBR was reporting that the UK would be 58 billion up plop creek with no paddle due to Brexit, but hey-ho, let’s not let facts get in the way of sucking on the mighty cock of Brexit Bullshit.
Feckless arse monkeys like The Express and The Mail really are living in a world made of bimbling twats as they seek to publicize their own personal issues over FUCKING FACTS! Fact one is the pound went into a shit storm of a slide when Brexit was announced, and then partially recovered. This caused bellends like Paul Dacre and Richard Desmond to spunk a big one over the fact that we weren’t all stomping about in biker gangs and fighting for oil. Then it went into another massive slide into plop city when the hard Brexit was announced, and then – because it couldn’t fucking plunge any further – it recovered, thus causing the right wing press to slap it’s own balls over their own faces in delight and claim victory for Nigel Farage’s tiny, diseased cock. All based on lies and bullshit.
Anyway, points today are:
2 – Brexit Bullshit (Mule, Expresscuntywankballs)
1 – Public Service Horror – The Torywank
The Mail: 64
The Sun: 35
The Telegraph: 28
The Times: 10
The Star: 7
Brexit Bullshit: 35
Tory Wank: 26
Jingoistic Bullshit: 23
Sucking BoJo’s Wang: 9
Public Service Horror 8
Uman Roights Gorn Mad!! 6
Be Terrified: 4
Trump Wank: 2
‘Elf ‘N’ Safety Gorn Mad! 2
The Sun Whines About Freedom of Speech Because It Can’t Get Its Own Way. What a Cunt 1
Jeremy ‘Massive’ Cunt is a Professor of Swears at the University of Bollocks