Bibble, Bibble, Bollocks – the Current State of Delusion in Modern Politics


A haven of bellends


It comes as no surprise to any poor bastard who has any connection with the viewing the news – in any format – that in today’s political climate we have a level of self-delusion that goes beyond the merely confused and into the realms of insanity. When you’ve got Theresa May banging on about achieving record levels of economic growth after Brexit despite the fact that no trade deals have been done, Putin and his toadies denying they’ve been slipping lethal cocktails of nerve-fucker to double agents in retirement, and Trump just being a total tallywhacker with everything he does and says, you have to start questioning the very nature of reality.

Or I should say, ‘reality as far as the fuckers in charge are concerned’. There’s seem to be a wall of ego erected between what the rest of the world sees, and what these tubes see. It could be because the witless fuckers only hang around with the ‘yes’ people who spend day and night crawling up their sphincters, or it could be because they’ve categorically convinced themselves that the lies they’re peddling are true. Or it could be because they’ve latched on to the idea that a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth, which it does to some grockles. But what price sanity when the distortions become policy? How much are they fucking with the nature of political progress when they can spout out any old saggy ballsacks and be greeted with a bunch of noddies all sucking up to their bullshit?

Lies are an intrinsic part of politics. Anyone who’s old enough to remember the Nixon days knows this, or remembers Thatcher peddling her distorted unemployment statistics, but back then there seemed to be less stomach by the majority of the political class to revel in this crap. Nixon got impeached, Thatcher got booted, and more bullshit entrepreneurs filled the gaps to have their egos masticated by whoever was buying their line of snake oil. Trump should have been impeached donkey’s yonks ago, but so ingrained is the political greed from his supporters that they’re willing to go against factual reality – sound-bites, photos, etc – to prop up their wilting penis of a President.

Voice has always been given to the insane in politics, but with a certain amount of derision. Now the gibbering idiots like Jacob Fucking Rees Fucking Mogg and Boris Bastard Johnson Knob are being given access to many media pies, and their divisive and retrogressive views are lathered with plenty of airtime, so the nodding dogs who earwig on their crap can receive their pampering and believe that what these gimlet fuckholes say is the truth, or that their opinions should be cossetted and words taken seriously, when in reality they should be roundly mocked for being goggle-eyed delusionists.

So it goes. Politics has always been a playground, but the big kids used to be in charge. They’d give you digs and nick your pocket money. Now the screaming toddlers who want it their own way are pulling the strings, and some fuckers nicked the keys so we can’t get out of the kindergarten. We could be fucked unless someone with a reasonable head turns up and boots these idiots into the horizon. Let’s hope the lash-back against these pricks produces someone who at least makes a passing gesture to common sense and maturity in this.


So, We Meet Again, Mr. Bond – the New Russian Probe (Ooer)


bond villain
Putin’s new look


This won’t be the last time Russia knock one of their turncoats off under the wing of MI5, and as everyone who’s read a bit on security agencies will know, an agent never leads the fold – they just go on leave until they’re activated again. Therefore, the poor sod who got a dose of Gerhard Schrader’s finest could have been a sleeper agent, or legitimately running from his fur-hat wearing overlords, but considering the man and his daughter are currently in a dodgy but stable condition under the watchful eye of the NHS we can probably assume it’s a revenge attack, as Russia are quite capable of poisoning the shit out of someone, as we’ve seen with Litvinyenko. Unless, of course, it’s a sleight of hand to make the UK security forces more open to believing he’s not a sleeper agent, allowing him to activated into their inner sanctum to mind-fuck all their secrets. On the other hand…

All this is beside the point, as the facts are that a foreign body has encroached upon the sanctity of UK soil to poison the shit out of one of their own, and revealed a Whitehall farce worthy of ‘Yes, Prime Minister’, but with more bumbling idiocy.

For me, the most interesting fact of the case is how various dogsbodies in the Tory party have acted like the UK possess anything like the world-stage presence they obviously think they do to have any serious effect. You’ve got May banging tables and insisting that the Rooskies explain themselves to the headmaster within 24 hours or the UK will get ruddy cross with them. You’ve got the threat of retributive sanctions being dangled in front of Putin, as though cutting off the UK-related funds to a bunch of oligarchs and chucking a few ambassadors out will have much of an impact. And most pointless of all, you’ve got the threat of the bandy-legged donkeys that make up the England football team pulling out of the World Cup.

It’s also shown how indicative the Trump-era bullshit flinging media bare-faced denial machine has taken over international politics, with the Russian ambassador stating that claims concerning Russia’s involvement into turning Sergei Skripal into one of the X-Men was ‘rubbish’, when it’s obvious to anyone with even the barest inkling of common sense that they’ve had their sticky fingers in the espionage jam jar.

The common concept was that, when the Berlin wall came down and Gorby decided to let the IMF have a bang at fucking up the Russian economy, the KGB and MI6 and CIA would all join hands and sing songs about loving each other, rather than carry on the same old game but with easier access to each other’s secrets. Espionage, knocking off double agents, stealing company secrets and fucking around with election results always has been, and always will be, a part of the international diplomatic world. When people bang on about Russia’s involvement in the US election they seem to forget America’s relentless anti-democracy purges of Central America during the 80s, which is why you know Old Man Kremlin is tinkering with the cyber-bullshit in US affairs, the same as the US are using their own cyber-spods to tinker in Russian affairs. It’s just the way things are, have been, and always will be.

Each side can deny it as much as they like, but that’s their role in life. To lie. And the world will turn once more, and another set of tit-for-tat expulsions will make fuck all difference in the great scheme of things, and life will go on. Still, it gives people in suits something to feel important about.

Gabba Gabba Balls


This man is next in line for the PM’s job


Big, bumbling bastard bollocks Boris is back on the Brexit bandwagon once again, and spouting more hairy testicles than an entire genital scratching phalanx of crabs-infested Tories.

I thought I was going to take a rest from blogging. Have some time off. Read a book without pausing to think ‘Hmmm, this writer is a big load of toss – better make that my central mantra for the review’, and thus pulling me out of the story. Maybe go a day without glancing at the headlines without thinking ‘Yes, that’s a loads of old manky wank socks, isn’t it?’ Three weeks of blissful ignorance. Every time that Trump opened his flapping, moronic gob, I could turn away and think ‘yep, I’ll ignore that orange baboon for the moment and do something interesting’. I held out, against my sweary nature.

And then Boris steps up to the mic, like the conniving gobshite we all know him to be, and starts blathering some cretinous bullshit about Brexit, and the world comes crashing back into focus.

Anyway. What ho, Jeeves – on with the swears.

For a start, fuck off, Boris. Before the Brexit vote this scheming, puffed up, bloated barrel of stale farts was for a unified Europe. And then someone dangled the flaccid cock of ambition in front of his piggy little eyes and the gormless fucker, hell-bent on the idea that David Cameron would crash and burn as the Brexit vote – close though it would be – would go up the creek and tarnish the PM for good, decided he’d go all anti-EU, stick his wrinkled helmet into the gladiatorial arena and bump up his chances of becoming the Grand Poohbah. And then – by Hell’s shiny, round bollocks – they only went and won the fucking thing!

We know this tousled hair skidmark on the undercrackers of humanity is an opportunist truffle-snorter, but he’s gamely trying to play the politician’s game by striking a note of conciliation, and you just feel, deep down in the very depths of your being, that’s he lying through his fucking teeth. You know he’d rather be drinking champagne from the hollowed out skull of a pauper than paying lip service to the concept of mollification.

Amusingly, Johnson states that they don’t want to ‘haul up the drawbridge’, mainly because he’s aware that economically the UK is heading for Plop City with nary a map to guide its spinny-eyed Brexiteers into Isolationist Land.

Johnson also states that “We must accept that many [Remainers] are actuated by entirely noble sentiments”, as though there’s a faction of the Remain brigade that are fervently against immigration or human rights or any of the bullshit the Brexit mob are championing. No, you deceitful collection of affected mannerisms, it’s the fucking Brexit lot who are vehemently in opposition to social evolutionary progress, you malodorous halfwit.

The idea is to marry two halves of the political spectrum together to create one oleaginous whole of shiny, happy, wanking gonks. All the facts show that from an economic and social point of view, Brexit is a great, steaming shite curled off from the arse of a dithering, feckless Tory party, backed up by small-minded UKIPpers and Little Englanders hell bent on racism, bigotry and isolationism, and then pushed into being by a bewildered government of terrified, spineless dicks. Getting the party mascot to blubber a few empty words at half of the country who thinks Brexit wanks off pigs for a living isn’t going to change their minds.

The Jackels by the spirit of Norman Mailer


(FILES) Undated file picture of late pro
Mailer’s eyebrows are designed to hypnotise you


The inevitable consequence of terrorism and its breathing apparatus, the knee-jerk press, is a closing down of opportunities to expand one’s view of the world; to travel the globe for fear of a bomb or a random attack. Paris, London, (third) – people look over their shoulders now, even if technically the chances of ending up the victim of an attack is minimal. People are afraid, and their avenues of exploration turn into dead ends. We can turn on the news and view politicians telling us that the country will not be cowed, but they already have. Bereft of the daily conflict that shatters countries like Sudan, the Great States cower beneath a blanket of terrified patriotism. Europe becomes a closed Empire and the right wing ideology which has already brought so much suffering to the world grabs a solid grip on the hearts and minds of the easily terrified. For the rest of us, the wall of opinion which spits out isolationist dogma refuses to be torn down. The situation is getting worse.

The right-wing media act like snarling jackals, blooded and waiting for fresh meat. They know what should be done. They crow the mantra of restricted freedoms for what they determine to be the ‘undesirables’, and ignore the attacks perpetrated by people who follow their ideology. “It’s a shock,” they say, when a right-wing stooge goes blood simple with a shotgun, “but what about these ‘undesirables’, with their strange ways and beliefs?” It’s a concerted blindness to the issue; a refusal to engage with the problem that their side may be as bad as the other side. It’s the same issue that afflicts countries in time of conflict – complete devotion to the cause outside of logic. The idea is to keep repeating the hymn.

The world is in conflict only so far as is politically expedient. It’s a handy catch-all to rally the public when the polls edge into the unfavourable, although in Trump’s case his inability to do the job is so extravagant that nothing could heft his dying numbers up the charts. In France and Poland and Britain the far right rally to close the borders and keep out diversity. The idea is to divide and conquer, and if the public are baying for somebody’s blood their attention is waning from the social problems which leave the country stricken. Why worry about the poor and disabled when you have a prejudice to enforce.

But how much is the dog whistle? What percentage of the public believes the hype? Are we only hearing the loudest voices? If the majority pushed for injustice there would be lynchings back on the street, but the mob rule exists in the opinions pages of the press. Prejudice is still fought against, even when the terrorists strike, because there is a world out there beyond the simple opinion of the sugar teat of oligarchs working to shift a few copies. The tub thumpers may wish to reduce the world and all its contents into bite sized portions, but the world is more complex than their faculties comprehend.


The Art of Punching Oneself in the Balls When Faced With the Obvious


According to the Tories these people are happy


In a shocking piece of ‘would you Adam-and-Eve’ it news, the End Child Poverty coalition of charities has recently published a report that – brace yourselves, kids – shows that child poverty has actually increased over the last few years, and even more shockingly goes on to say that it’s due to the bastard government cutting welfare, making life hard for the plebs, and prices going through the roof because of the current economic state of the world.

The government then went “blah blah blah, we’re doing more to fuck shit wank bollocks, made up horsewank about supporting disadvantaged children as though one stopgap is a solution to a country-wide problem, wank wank wank, some more absolute shite about people in work, even though the fucking work is being land-filler for EnormoCorp’s new building site, wank shite piss”.

According to this report the coalition estimate that more than one million children will been drop-kicked into poverty once the vultures in charge of this duckocracy ram through their universal credit cuts, which have been specifically designed to drop its caks and shite all over the heads of the paups. The central concept of the government’s cutbacks is to plug the gap in public spending so the UK won’t run out of money and have to go begging to the IMF for a leg-up once the financial sector starts shitting blood. Which is crap. Chris Grayling says it’s all about future budgets, but the Tory fuck nuggets didn’t even query the idea of a progressive spending program before they brought down the chopper (ooer) and cut the dick off public finance. They just thought ‘Brill! Time to kick the fuck out of government spending and social welfare so we can make everything private and not have to pay for anything and all our posh mates in the financial sector can spunk their own pay-rises up the margins because they’ve got photos of me playing the biscuit game in Eton’. Probably.

The reason why the public sector is up shit creek without a wad of banknotes to paddle with is because of the financial collapse. Which, let us not forget, was the brain-wank of greedy shites in the banking business who decided they could definitely look after their own interests and be totally above board, and then started flogging loans of all descriptions so they could rake in a percentage of the debt. Check Inside Job by Charles Ferguson for the full details.

Public services were then eviscerated by the cold, clammy hands of the coalition and then the Tories, partly because of the banking crises emptying the coffers and partly because of their own free-market bullshit ideology, which then led to ANY safety nets being kicked up the arse and into the ditch. And now people are starving. And it looks as though this shit will continue for the foreseeable future, at least until someone gets back into office with a bit of a conscience, who then proffers a competent and socially aware financial budget which tells the free-market pricks to go fuck themselves, and then starts giving people a bit of a fucking safety net/help up out of the shit-filled pit of poverty.

Until bodies turn up on the streets, that may be a long time coming.

A Confederacy of Trump is a Dick


Trump has never SEEN this book, let alone read it.


Trump’s been spinning The Wheel of Wank once more in his attempts to make reality as stupid as he is. The US Government went into shut down because the Republican majority wish to see their own lack of hope in the future imprinted on the rest of humanity when they introduced a bill into the government spending plan that kicked the Dreamers out of the country. It was a direct appeal to the racists who voted for their idiots, and the Democrats resisted as long as their spines would allow before folding, but only under the proviso that they get together over cocktails in the future to re-argue the case that undocumented child immigrants wouldn’t be given the hoof.

There’s argument over whether this was capitulation from the Democrats or an attempt to keep the argument open whilst keeping a working government on the go, but Donald Trump immediately took to Twatter to crow like a demented baboon. Most of it was pretty bog standard of the ‘they’ve finally seen sense in our bollocks’ type, but this was part of a melange of properly bonkers nuttiness. He posted about the Democrats ‘caving in’ and started blathering on about having a ‘big win’ for ‘DACA’. Considering his idea is to forcefully remove the people who would have been protected by DACA, it’s not much of a bloody win, you orange faced bellend.

Now the Republicans get their way, to a certain extent, and then Feb 8th comes around again and the Democrats realise they crawled into a nest of vipers and maybe even tell the sweaty shitehawk that no, this will not stand, and they will not be partisan to catapulting children out of the country just because Trump wants to curry favour with the KKK, and then the Gov. will shut down and we’ll get the whole damn circus once more, because it’s obvious to anyone who doesn’t have a dick for a brain that Trump is winging this shit as he goes along.

Although negotiators at the climb down have stated that Trump was not part of the deal and kept himself on the side of the frame, probably playing with a set of shiny keys and dribbling into his bib, her still wants credit. It’s sad to see this level of uncertainty hit the US, but then the same thing happened in 2013 when Obama tried to pass through affordable health care. That was led by Ted Cruz and the Heritage Foundation. And before that we have to go back to Clinton when he tried to push through Medicare. All of these were initiated by Republican majority senates. (Saying that, the next lot back in 1990 and the 80s were when Bush and Reagan were in control, so it’s sort of like a hobby for the US government).

The last three shut-downs were against compassionate causes, which makes me wonder if the Republicans just hate people. Or at least poor people, because that’s all they seem to do – put the boot into the people with the least.

This could run and run, folks. More insanity from the Tilt-a-Whirl that is the Trump clown school.

A Knobends Guide to Building a Wall


A wall, yesterday


Trump wants to build a wall. Chief of Staff Kelly says it won’t happen. Trump says Kelly smells of wee and he WILL build the wall. Whole world gets tired of the usual bollocks and watches TV.

Kelly’s like a stop-gap on Trump going completely crazy, but every time he steps in and tries to negotiate some relative sanity out of the orange faced twat, Trump then steps in because his tiny-dick of an ego has been punctured. Take ‘the wall’ issue. Kelly probably took him aside, had a quiet word in his shell-like, and reminded him that Mexico were not going to pay and he should stop dribbling on like a spinny-eyed bog-faced shitbag of wank about the whole bloody thing before Kelly took him into a dark room and respectfully kicked ten barrels of shit out of him. Trump agrees, because he has no mind of his own, and Kelly announces to certain influential bodies that Trump isn’t COMPLETELY mad, and has softened his position on the wall/killing puppies/fucking the desiccated corpses of your ancestors. The media speculate on Kelly’s influence, Trump’s ego goes into meltdown, and he issues a riposte saying he’s definitely going to build wall/kill puppies/fuck your ancestors.

It’s the sad, sorry tale of a man unfit for any office apart from one where he’s told to fuck off on an endless loop. A gibbering, senile man-child, tottering through his twilight years believing he’s a titan of history as he – on equal levels – scares the shit out of/bores the world. Who knows if the fucking wall will be built? They’ll probably chuck up a couple of sections, the money will run out, and Trump will rant and moan like the febrile little toss hawk he is. The mechanics of the issue are for science fiction stories. 2000AD predicted this shit years ago in Judge Dredd when the yellow haired megalomaniac Judge Cal went crazy nutty madcap and built a wall around Mega City One to protect it from the undesirables living in the Cursed Earth. That was made up. Trump has seen the pictures, thought it was a tops-super idea, and to salve the financial districts has predicted it would cost a bucket of shiny coins and nothing more whilst the contractors start rubbing their grubby little grief stained hands together as they up the price of concrete. Probably. (Note: We have no evidence Trump has ever read 2000AD. FAKE NEWS!! FAKE NEWS!! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!)

A year in and this fucker of an issue has been bouncing around the political landscape since the greasy-palmed shite got into power, and it will trundle under like the heaving behemoth of bollocks it is, as it fills a couple of essential criterion where the media is concerned.
a) It shows Trump to be a massive racist tosser, and that’s always good for selling issues
b) It’s one of Trump personal issues – like Star Wars was for Reagan – so this fucker’s going to keep popping up dependent on when his addled mind can remember it.
c) The right-wing ball-bags love it because it’s a racist load of old wank, and the right wing love a bit of racism.
d) It’s just horribly insane enough and Trump is mind-bendingly thick enough to actually try and make this cock ferret happen.

Conclusion? I like chips in brown gravy. (Extra points if you can spot which Goon Show that’s from).
ACTUAL Conclusion: Trump is a moron.