As Donald Trump’s arse, I can honestly say that this is the best reverse-ferret the old git has done yet. It’s not even one of those cases where he sticks up for the invasion of Iraq a few years ago and then says “I woz dead against it, me old China” and then the press do a bit of research and found out he was on record saying the bombing of Iraq gave him a stiffy and they should go and bomb somewhere else just so he could get tumescent again. No, this was far better than that.
You just know if no one had said anything he’d have kept schtum and carried on giving Putin some of that sweet lovin’ he loves so much. (Fun Fact: Donald Trump’s hairpiece is actually his merkin that’s crawled up from his groin of its own accord to keep away from whatever diseased insanity that festers in his pants). But, since the Republicans finally found a voice and spoke out against the orange bastard, he’s suddenly realised that maybe flicking the V’s at the FBI and sucking up to a despotic regime was not the best call of his career. Then again, by the time you read this he’ll have probably reversed on the reverse-ferret and said Putin smells of flowers and the FBI are full of evil gnomes. You never quite know what the loopy bastard is going to say next.
On a side note, Channel Four news in the United Kingdom of Great Britain last night had a round table interview with some Trump supporters in Michigan, where – hold on to your boots here, folks, because you’re never going to believe this’un – they all said they didn’t care what Trump said because he was ace and they loved him and wanted his babies, which was hardly a fucking surprise considering their political leanings. First of all, the phrase that kept getting repeated was ‘the swamp’. This was in response to a number of questions about Trump being a numpty twat. It was all about how ‘the swamp’ just won’t accept a racist sex offender as their rightful President and how ‘the swamp’ doesn’t appreciate his mighty Knob of Truth. Second of all, why the fuck were Channel Four even bothering to hold the round-table in the first ruddy place, since it was obvious what the fuckers were going to say. “Yes, actually, I think Trump is a big bag of shite and I hate the bastard.” I don’t ruddy well think so!
What we have to take from this is that Trump is basically going crazy apeshit bonkers nutty madcap mental. He’s now regressed to the age of a small boy trying to lie his way out of the fact that he’s eaten all the choccies, despite chocolate being smeared all over his face. “What I meant to say was, ‘Putin is a bad man and I love the USA and despite me saying in categorical terms the EXACT OPPOSITE I’m going to hope all the critics take my bullshit as fact and don’t be nasty to me for being such a bad President that even Bush Junior looks like a fucking saint in comparison, and that cunt started a war! Quick, look over there! A cat playing a piano!”
The best bit about this is, in the future we’ll look back on this as the LEAST amount of lies in one day he’s said, because there’s plenty more to come. Aren’t we lucky.